


Eyes Like Kyber

by Polkadotdotdot



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Canon-Typical Violence, Drabbles and Prompts, Drama, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Heterosexual Sex, Humor, NSFW, Non-Linear Narrative, Romance, tags to be added as chapters progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:02:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28575711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polkadotdotdot/pseuds/Polkadotdotdot
Summary: Tara Tyree was only a 12-year-old Padawan when Order 66 was given. Saved by her master and hiding on Kashyyyk, she never thought she'd see anybody from her old life again. 18 years old and fighting the Empire, an unfamiliar ship called the Mantis lands just in time to aid her Wookie companions, carrying with it Cal Kestis. It's been a long time but she'd recognise that red hair anywhere...Life as wanted, force wielding fugitives crammed onto a small ship? At least it's not boring...
Relationships: Cal Kestis/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 37





	1. Old Friends

**Author's Note:**

> Tara Tyree is my original character. I know in the game Cal is supposed to be about 17 years old but we're gonna go ahead and add another year onto that because I don't write smut for characters under the age of 18.
> 
> This story follows a non-linear narrative. Some chapters may refer to others as the story grows.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Ninth sister is going to kill him, he's sure of it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline: Takes place during JFO, on Kashyyyk

There’s blood in his mouth.

The ominous copper taste coats Cal’s tongue, his nose invaded by the smell of acrid smoke and suddenly he realises that he’s going to die. Lying on his back, he stares up at the sky through the branches of the tree, embers floating in his peripheral vision. He’s not ready to die, but at least he can say he didn’t go down without a fight.

“You know, I was a Jedi,” The Ninth Sister mocks, arrogance colouring her words and walk as she begins to close in on him, “It might be fun to bring you in. Watch you crack like the rest of us!”

The red glowing blade of her lightsaber raises above him but it’s hard to focus. He’s dizzy. Exhausted. He knows he has to move, to roll out of the way but every limb feels heavy and the force isn’t listening. He closes his eyes.

But the inevitable blow never lands.

“Get away from him!”

There’s an angry clash as another blade blocks the swing. Cal’s eyes open. Standing between him and the Ninth Sister is a girl, her body a silhouette behind the red and orange glow of the lightsabers. The Ninth Sister smiles. Cruel and cold.

“Well would you look at that,” she chuckles, “I thought I sensed another Jedi on this rock,”

“You’re going to leave this planet!” the girl growls, shoving the dark side user back, “Kashyyyk will never belong to the empire!”

“Kashyyyk already does!” the Ninth Sister replies, “And all you’re doing is making me angry. That’s fine. I’ll just have to kill you both!”

She lets out a monstrous roar, charging with her double-ended lightsaber towards the mysterious girl who dodges out of the path just in time, swinging with her weapon to attack. She’s trained, Cal can see that much. He’d recognise the fifth form anywhere, her footwork as graceful and impeccable as her swings. 

He feels helpless. His head is pounding, his back in a spasm and all he can do is lie there in the dirt and watch his rescuer fight for her life, as well as his.

The Ninth Sister stops her offence. “I know those moves, that lightsaber. I know who trained you…”

“You know nothing!” the girl snaps. It only serves to make the Ninth Sister laugh.

“Yvana Lo taught you well,” she continues, “She was a strong Jedi...until she came to us. You should have heard how she begged…”

“Shut up…”

“The torture, the mutilation…”

“I said shut up!”

“She’d have given us anything...even you…”

“STOP TALKING!”

The girl screams, dashing forward with violent overhead slashes of her lightsaber that catch the Ninth Sister off guard. Her hubris would be her end, staggering backwards until the inevitable final blow, knocking the helmet from her skull, the blade slicing into her face before the force sends her from the tree.

It’s a long way down. Time enough to reflect on her own death.

The girl stands staring down at the gap in the branches where she pushed her opponent, heavy breathing making her shoulders shudder. Her heart is beginning to slow and when she’s sure nothing is coming back for them, she turns.

“Gods, Cal!” she cries, powering off her weapon and rushing to his side, “Cal, can you hear me?”

Cal blinks up at the girl. She isn’t any older than he is. Black hair frames her face. The blue eyes looking down at him with concern seem hauntingly familiar and if his head wasn’t spinning before, it is now as memories come flooding back to him.

He’s five years old at the Jedi academy. A young girl called Tara Tyree sits alone. It’s her first day and she is terrified. He offers her his hand and tells her everything is going to be alright. She smiles at him and…

“Tara?!” Her smile is bright and relieved as she helps him sit up, “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” she replies, “Let’s get you back to your ship then we can talk. It’s not safe here,”

Gingerly, Cal stands with her help.

00000

Cal doesn’t say much to Cere and Greez when they pass. Only that he’s alright and would they mind giving them some privacy to talk. He limps onto the Mantis, groaning when he finally lands on a soft seat.

She looks different than he remembers, but of course, she would. They were 12 years old when Order 66 was given. Only days before, Tara had told him she was travelling with her master to Correllia and she’d meet up with him on Coruscant in a few weeks. He’d spent his time in hiding assuming she was dead, just like everyone else.

“I can’t believe you’re even here,” Cal begins, shaking his head and smiling, “How is it possible?”

Tara glances to the seat, Cal shifting along to give her room. She sits next to him, uncomfortably pulling at a strap on her cargo trousers. 

“When it happened, my master told me to run and hide,” she explains, her face twists with the painful memories that she’s spent so long trying to suppress. She didn’t need to explain what it was, “We were at a shipyard. I found an escape pod to hide in. Yvana held them off as long as she could, she even set the auto-pilot on the ship before they took her. She wanted me to find Master Yoda but by the time I arrived here, he was gone,”

Cal nods silently. It’s a pain he knows all too well. He watched his own master, Jaro Tapal, die in front of him. He still saw it when he slept and he imagined Tara suffered the same.

“They’ve hidden me here as long as they could but soon the Empire arrived to strip the planet of its resources,” she sighs, “I’ve been fighting here ever since. What about you?”

“I ended up on Bracca,” Cal says, “Dirty, manual labour on the edge of nowhere. It was the perfect place to lie low,”

“Until you used the force?”

“Until I used the force,” he confirms with a wry smile, “And the inquisitors found me. If it wasn’t for Cere and Greez…”

“Yes, I briefly met them,” Tara smiles, “I’m glad they found you,”

“Me too,” 

And the silence stretches on. For what seems like an eternity they simply stare at each other, analyzing every freckle, every scar, the features they’ve both grown into over the years. His once gangly best friend has grown into a beautiful young woman. The unsure boy now a handsome man. 

Tara’s lip trembles, her eyes growing glassy with unshed tears as she throws herself at him, her arms winding tightly around his neck. 

“I’m so happy to see you, Cal,” Tara sniffs, “I missed you,”

He pauses for only a moment before holding her just as tightly. He can feel their connection, like a missing piece sliding back into place, the force pulsing around them harmoniously. 

“I missed you, Tara,” he replies, his own voice growing thick.

How long they remain that way, Cal isn’t sure. It’s the comfort they both need, a relationship they thought lost. Now that they’ve found each other, Cal isn’t ready to live separately again.

“Come with us,” he says suddenly. When he pulls back the shock is evident on Tara’s face.

“What?”

“Come with us,” he repeats, “There’s space on the ship. Greez won’t mind and Cere will just be happy there’s another force user on board,”

The smile on her face fades, Tara looking crestfallen. “Cal, I can’t just leave...what about the wookies? They’ve done so much for me. I can’t just leave them now when they’re threatened…”

“Actually, now would be a perfect time to go,” Cere appears from the ramp, utterly shameless in revealing she’d been listening to their conversation, “If the Empire knows there’s a Jedi on Kashyyyk, you can bet they’ll be sending another inquisitor this way. You might not be so lucky a second time,”

“Uh...huh,” Tara says slowly, “Were you just...listening to us?”

“We won’t have much time,” Cere continues, completely ignoring the question, “Cal is right. The more of us on the move, the better,”

“Oh and I suppose I’ve just to go along with this,” Greez mutters, waddling up the ramp behind Cere.

“Captain, you know it’s for the best,” Cere adds. Greez throws up all 4 of his hands.

“Yeah, yeah. One day maybe I’ll have control over my own ship,” he sighs, “Today is not that day,”

Cal turns back to Tara. “So, what do you say? Come with me,”

Tara is painfully aware that everyone is looking at her. Aside from his discomfort over Cere’s invasion of their privacy, she can’t think of a reason to say no. The older Jedi is right. Inquisitors will be on their way and it will only cause problems for the wookies if she’s found.

Then there’s Cal. Her best friend thought long dead. She isn’t ready to say goodbye. Tara smiles, nodding her head.

“I’ll need to go and collect some things but...okay, let’s go,”

Everything hurts. His body is begging for rest, his knee is swollen and he’s pretty sure there’s a cracked tooth somewhere at the back of his mouth, but her smile, her agreement makes him feel lighter than he has in years. He’d forgotten what real happiness feels like. 

Tara’s smile is warm, pulling him back into another tight hug.

“I’m with you, Cal. Wherever you go, I go,”

She’s still grinning at him when she stands, Greez promising to give her a tour of the ship when she comes back from packing her things and already she’s taking interest in the terrariums. She always did love plants. Their voices diminish as they walk away, leaving Cal to lean back on the seat.

Cere is talking. She’s laying out their next steps but his eyes are heavy and eventually, the woman realises that he’s in no fit state to listen. She leaves him alone, knowing it can all wait until later.

With a smile on his face, Cal closes his eyes.


	2. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara can't sleep but she's not the only one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline: Takes place during JFO. Tara has just joined the crew after fighting the Ninth sister on Kashyyyk.

For all Tara was a wanted fugitive, living on Kashyyyk did have its upsides.

She was surrounded by nature every day, able to tend to her beloved plants. The air was always fresh and scented with sweetgrass and blossoms. The Wookies had given her a living space of her own (she is human, after all) and over the six years she’d been there, Tara had built herself quite a nice routine before the Empire had kicked in their door.

Now she finds herself on the Mantis, a ship sold to her as far larger than it actually is and if there’s one thing she forgot about space travel, it’s just how cold it can be. This is made worse by the fact Greez refuses to turn the heat up any higher than necessary. 

“Sorry kid, but we don’t exactly have a wide choice of fuel stops. Gotta make sure we’re careful,” he’d told her.

The Latero had made a valid point, but common sense isn’t going to keep her warm and it certainly isn’t going to help her sleep. Wrapped tightly in one of Cal’s ponchos, Tara meanders through the ship towards the cockpit. It’s been weeks since she joined the crew but she still feels unsettled. She can’t put her finger on the reason but she knows it isn’t Cal.

They haven’t missed a step since being reunited. It’s nice, she thinks. It reminds her of the person she used to be. She was less cynical back then, less defensive. Cal might be the only person in the galaxy she doesn’t keep at arm's length.

They’re right in the middle of their night cycle and while she’s certain she could always push her way onto Cal’s bunk and use him as a human furnace, her mind is turning too quickly to feel drowsy.

“Oh!”

She’d expected to see Greez sitting in his usual chair, the smaller being only sleeping four to five hours maximum. Instead, she finds Cere, the former Jedi knight sitting upfront with her feet on the ship’s dashboard.

It suddenly dawns on her this is the first time she’s been alone with Cere and an intense feeling of suspicion pools in her gut, the same wrong feeling she’s been experiencing since she set foot on the ship. The older woman looks at her warily but smiles nonetheless.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Tara shakes her head, “Take a seat,” 

Tara’s shoulders soften only slightly, accepting the seat on the other side of the cockpit, leaning her feet upwards to get into a comfortable position.

“Still getting used to it then?” Cere asks.

“Something like that. It’s been...a long time since I was on a ship,” Tara says wistfully glancing out to the stars in front of them, “But this is where Cal is so here I am,”

Cere’s eyes sweep Tara. Her uncertainty is hardly subtle, it’s the same look she’s been throwing at younger girl since she agreed to come with them. Eventually, she looks back out to the stars with a wry smile.

“You know, Jedi aren’t supposed to form attachments,” she says, “It makes you weak,”

Tara scowls, the offhand comment making her bristle indignantly. “Well, the Jedi also wasn’t supposed to be hunted across the galaxy but things change. I always thought that was wrong anyway. We’re people, not droids,”

Cere is quiet again but Tara knows the woman is thinking. Something said has struck a chord. How could it not? Every Jedi was told the same thing. Attachments cause conflict and will cloud your thoughts. The Jedi should be impartial and not take sides…

Even when they very clearly took sides.

It’s impossible, surely? Human emotions being what they are, hormones and experiences all lead to forming relationships. Attachments. The concept of living that way was difficult enough when she was a child. Now at eighteen, it wasn’t any easier.

“You don’t trust me,” Cere breaks the silence. It isn’t a question but there’s no malice or hurt in her tone. She’s simply stating a fact. Tara boldly meets her gaze.

“I don’t trust many people. You shouldn’t take it personally,” 

“I don’t,” Cere adds flippantly, “Honestly, I’m very much the same. Trust is a valuable commodity these days. It’s wise not to share it with just anyone. Begs the question of why you decided to join us?”

“I joined Cal,” Tara replies, “He seems to trust you, that’s something,”

“Hmm. Probably not as much as you think,” Cere smiles, “I can sense his hesitance and I don’t need the force to do it. I can’t blame him...or you. Time hasn’t been kind to our people. If we’re going to rebuild the Jedi Order, we’re going to need to work together,”

“Well, as long as I can be sure you’re not going to shoot me when my back is turned, I’m certain we’ll get along just fine,” Tara smirks, but the expression fades. She stares out to the stars, shaking her head, “Although, I’m not sure I agree with rebuilding the order…”

“It’s the only way of stopping the Empire!”

“Oh because we were  _ so _ effective before?” Tara sniggers, “I’ve had time to gain a bit of perspective and we let all of this happen, right under our noses, because the galaxy had put us on a pedestal too high and we refused to look down. Maybe the light needs to come back, but not the order...ever think of that?”

“Literally every day,” Cere says, her tone clipped, “And perhaps you’re right but that’s something to address  _ after _ the Empire falls,”

Tara falls quiet, ‘Hmm’ the only noise that indicates she’s listened to the other woman. She hasn’t realised until now that her body, while seemingly relaxed leaning back in the chair, has been tense. The muscles in her shoulders, her stomach and thighs all coiled like a tight spring, ready to jump into action if needed.

Being around Cere without another person as a barrier, Tara barely noticed how on guard she is. She’s tired. Really, damn tired, and it’s almost painful when she finally relaxes, sighing deeply. 

“You’re probably right,” she smiles, the expression less forced than before. It feels foreign, using the facial muscles without having to try, “There isn’t much point in thinking so far ahead. Day to day seems more appropriate,”

“Day to day is what keeps you alive,” Cere adds, “Finding that Holocron isn’t about just rebuilding the order, it’s-,”

“-making sure the Empire doesn’t find those children,” Tara finishes, “I know. You’re right, that’s just as important. Maybe more so. I just think about those kids sometimes...some of them might not even  _ know _ what they are. Maybe it’s better that way,”

“Maybe it is,” Cere agrees, “Sounds like you regret your path?”

Tara shakes her head. Regret isn’t the right word. “No. No, I don’t think so but…ah, nevermind,”

“Go on,” Cere presses. Tara shifts uncomfortably in her seat, her body beginning to tense again. How ready is she to open up to someone she’s barely begun to know. 

A traitor who sold out their own padawan. She tries to swallow but her mouth has gone dry.

“Um...sometimes I wish I’d been able to…”

_ See my parents once more… _

The words stick in her tightening throat. She knows that Cere would understand, of course, she would. She was a padawan once, she knows the sadness of leaving at such a young age to train. More than once Tara had considered trying to contact them, to let them know that she has survived but with the Empire’s hold on the galaxy so tight, it was safer for them if they thought she’d been killed.

That thought only makes her inability to finish her sentence worse. This isn’t a conversation she wants to have with someone she isn’t certain has her best interests in mind. She won’t take that chance.

“I...I’m going to go to sleep,” Tara mutters, ungracefully standing from the chair without looking Cere in the eye.

Sloppy. She feels sloppy and stupid for almost letting her guard down. For almost willingly giving information away that could be used against her in the future. She needs to get out, get away from the situation but she’s on a ship and there’s only one place she feels safe enough to go.

The bunk in the back room is hardly huge, the ship engines glowing and humming soothing white noise as she climbs in next to Cal, tucking her head under his chin and burying her face in his bare chest. 

Half asleep, Cal blinks down at her, shifting to wrap her in his arms. He feels like comfort, his scent familiar and warm. 

“Can’t sleep?” He mumbles against her crown. Tara shakes her head. She feels his arms tighten around her, “You’re shaking,”

“Cold,” she whispers, basking in the feeling of security he’s giving her, “Space is kriffing cold,”

He huffs a laugh and the kiss he presses to her forehead brings a genuine smile to her face.


	3. Insecurity (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara thinks she's fine, but if she's so fine...why does Merrin bother her so much?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: Tara essentially is displaying symptoms of PTSD.
> 
> Timeline: Takes place during JFO, after Dathomir and after Merrin joins the crew.

“Ouch! Kriffing hell…” 

The bacta Cere is using to clean the cut on Tara’s temple stings like hell and she can’t help but scowl as the older woman sees to her injury. It’s longer than she’s comfortable sitting for. She’s already had a gash on her arm cleaned and sealed.

“Now I know you didn’t learn that kind of language at the temple,” Cere chuckles, “Hold still. I’ve almost got the last of this grit cleared,”

Tara sighs, gritting her back teeth. The cut isn’t the only part that’s injured. Her body aches and she knows there’s going to be bruising. Dathomir hasn’t been kind to them.

“I hope Cal is alright,” she mutters, “I swear I’m fine if you just let me-“

“No!” Cere barks, “You got lucky making it back here the way you did, you could have been killed,”

Tara scowls again. Her and Cal had become separated and some of the Nightbrothers had her surrounded. She’d barely made it back to the ship in one piece, intent on patching up and immediately heading back out to find him.

“But he’s alone out there!” Tara growls, “He needs my help,”

“Knowing Cal, I think he’d rather you were alive,” Cere replies, “Your eyes are unfocused. Lie down,”

“I’m not even dizzy,” Tara lies. She is, in fact, very dizzy and if the room doesn’t stop spinning soon she’s certain she’s going to be sick. 

“Uhuh. Bunk. Now,”

Her relationship with Cere has grown since their initial distrust. It’s not perfect, but as the more experienced Jedi, Cere Junda is as close to a master as she or Cal will get. The way she’s acting is positively maternal. Perhaps she misses having a padawan to mother.  Normally, Tara would hate the fussing but she’s too dizzy to argue and the soft pillow on the bunk feels nice under her throbbing head.

“I’ll be back to check on you. If you’re concussed, I can’t let you sleep for long,” 

Tara closes her eyes

00000

She can hear voices from the front of the ship.

If Cere did come to wake her then Tara doesn’t remember. It can’t have been that long since she lay down. Her eyes are heavy, too heavy to open but she can hear his voice. He’s okay, he made it back. Something inside her chest flutters with happiness and relief. She wants to go and see him but her damn battered body won’t comply.

“But she’s alright?” she can hear him say and she’s not ashamed to admit that the worry in his voice is a comfort.

“She’s resting just now,” Cere tells him, “Go and see her, I’d have had to wake her soon anyway,”

The sound of boots on the metal floor grow louder. She can sense him in the room, hearing the fabric of his clothes rubbing together as he kneels next to the bed. He smells like dirt and blood and spice but it’s fine as long as he’s  _ there.  _ Not that his touch is unwelcome, but she’s pretty sure there’s a star exploding directly behind her eyes and movement doesn’t make it any better. His hand cups her cheek, a calloused thumb gently tracing a line. It’s difficult but she forces her eyes open.

His relieved smile is worth it.

“There she is,” she doesn’t miss the tension behind the casual statement, “You make a habit of getting me worried. What happened?”

“I tried to double back to find you but the damn planet changed, I swear. The path was just  _ gone _ !” Tara groans. Pushing herself up to a sit feels like a bad idea. It is, but she’s doing it anyway even if Cal is frowning at her in that way, “I tried to get back to you. Are you okay?”

“It’s alright. Everything is...alright,” he promises, “I’m fine and I’m more concerned about you,” 

He could tell her about Taron Malicos and their fight to the death but now doesn’t seem appropriate. Not when she’s clearly injured and worried. 

“I’ve had worse sparring,” she tries to be flippant but her traitorous body makes her wince against her will. Maybe there’s a bruised rib there after all.

“Hey, we’ve got the Astrium. I know we’re on the clock but the Empire are so far behind. Maybe we can convince Cere and Greez to take a few days break,” he suggests with a playful smile.  She can see the pink on his cheeks and it causes her own to flame because she knows  _ exactly _ what he’s thinking. The Mantis doesn’t exactly allow for the privacy a young couple needs.  “I hear Takodana is nice this time of year,” he adds.

The moment is peaceful. If only for a few minutes, Tara has thought of nothing else except that Cal is safe, they’re both together. The idea of spending time alone somewhere green makes her blood sing. He leans forward, eyes closing, barely a whisper away when a dark figure in the doorway makes her jump back.

“Who is this?” the person asks. 

Tara can’t place the thick accent and frankly, she doesn’t care. There’s a stranger on their ship and she’s jumped back into the bunk as close to the wall as it will allow. Her head is spinning, heart-pounding and now she’s sure she’s going to be sick.  But Cal, her sweet, steadfast Cal, grabs her hand and looks her in the eye, silently telling her that everything is fine. It helps. A little.

“Tara, this is Merrin,” Cal says, “She’s a Nightsister. Merrin, this is…” He pauses and Tara wonders what exactly he’s going to call her. “Tara. She’s my forcemate,”

“Forcemate? I do not know this term,” Merrin replies, clearly confused, “I do not know many things about you Jedi,”

“Um...hi,” Tara mutters, “Cal, what’s going on?”

“Merrin is going to be joining us,” Cal replies carefully, “She helped me get the Astrium,”

“I saved his life. He would have died without me,” Merrin adds, her tone completely matter of fact.

“You  _ what _ ?!” Tara cries, trying to jump from the bunk, “You told me you were fine, that there was nothing to worry about!”

She’s unsteady on her feet, the volume of her own voice making her head feel like it’s going to split in two. Cal grabs her close, using his own weight to stop her from hitting the floor, imploring her to look at him.

“Everything  _ is _ fine,” Cal insists, “It’s over now, we’re all safe,”

She believes him and standing there in his arms, she almost manages the smile he’s coaxing from her. The moment would almost seem perfect if there wasn’t still the strange woman hovering in the doorway. Tara’s eyes glance in Merrin’s direction. She’s thankful Cal can read her like a book.

“Merrin, why don’t you get Greez to show you the cockpit of the ship,” Cal suggests firmly, “Tara and I have some catching up to do,”

Tara remains silent until she’s sure Merrin isn’t within earshot. “Are you insane? We don’t know this person!”

“I know that without her we wouldn’t have the Astrium,” he replies patiently, “She has every reason to hate the Empire, just like we do. I trust her,”

He doesn’t use words like that lightly, she knows that, but it doesn’t mean she’s happy with the situation. Strangers in their space makes her uneasy. She wants to argue her case, to tell him that she’s frightened of what might happen but she’s exhausted and he can see it on her face.

“Come on, back to bed. You need to rest,” He begins to walk her back to the bunk. Reluctantly, Tara finds herself lying down.

“Stay?” she asks. She hates how small her voice sounds.

“As if I’d be anywhere else,”

00000

It’s not that she doesn’t like Merrin...but there are certain social graces that the night sister lacks.

For one thing, nobody seems to have told the girl that it’s rude to peer over someone’s shoulder when they’re working. It doesn’t help that Merrin is also silent, Tara not noticing she’s being watched until the other girl is almost breathing down her neck.  She asks questions constantly. About the planets they visit, the Jedi ways, even the food they eat and while Tara would normally have no issue with someone wanting to learn, she doesn’t have the energy to be Merrin’s personal life tutor.  Most of all, she hates how much of Cal’s time she dominates. It’s illogical and she knows it. Cal has never been anything except sweet, wonderful, attentive and she knows that her behaviour isn’t right. She wishes she could relax but years of running, hiding and loss have taught her that letting a guard down leads to nothing but pain.

She knows where it all comes from. She’s been alone enough with her own thoughts to have analysed them to death. Cal is her only link to her past. He’s her best friend. The man she loves. To lose him again when the force gave them this second chance would feel like having her heart cut out. 

If she does nothing, she risks having him taken. If she continues down this paranoid, delusional path, she risks pushing him away. Neither option is one she’s pleased with but she bites her tongue hard and decides that doing nothing and trusting in their connection is the lesser of two evils.

But that doesn’t make it the easy choice.

“Your weapon is so elegant. I have always wanted to try a Jedi’s lightsaber,” Merrin says innocently. 

She’s sitting on the Mantis sofa with Cal, her hands running along the shaft of the weapon so suggestively that Tara’s eyebrows are in her hairline and her back teeth are being ground to a powder. She stands behind them in the kitchen, white knuckles gripping the cup of java Greez had made.

It’s bitter but that’s fine. It suits her mood.

“Ah, you should check out Tara’s lightsaber!” Cal replies. If he’s clocked onto the double meaning, he certainly isn’t letting on, “Unlike me, Tara really knows lightsaber maintenance better than I do,”

“That’s because it’s important,” Tara replies, wandering down the few stairs to stand in front of them at the table, “A well-maintained weapon is a sign of self-respect,”

“Yeah, yeah. I was part of Master Beq’s class too,” Cal rolls his eyes but there’s a nostalgic smile on his face, “I can’t help it if the girl I was sitting next to was distracting me with her big blue eyes,”

She enjoys the compliment, momentarily forgetting that the other girl is even there until Merrin makes herself known again. The blue eyes Cal is so fond of narrow when Merrin touches his shoulder.

“I would like to know more about this class,” she says with interest. 

Cal turns to her, “Well, I mean, it was a really long time ago but maybe Tara…” By the time he’s said her name, Tara is already walking away towards the cockpit, leaving Cal to watch her retreating form with guilt on his face. 

Stuck between a rock and a hard place. The Mantis is a small ship, they all need to live in close quarters. He doesn’t want to be rude to Merrin, who just wants to learn about things she’s never experienced but not at the expense of Tara’s feelings. With Merrin still talking, Cal silently vows to make sure Tara knows how important she is once they land.

In the cockpit, Tara sits down heavily in the co-pilot's chair. Greez glances over to her.

“Don’t worry kiddo, we’ll be landing on Takodana in a few minutes,” he tells her, “I know you could do with a little...space,”

“Is it that obvious?” Tara groans, rubbing her eyes, “I’m trying to be nice,”

“You are many things, sweetheart, but subtle is not one of them,” Greez chuckles, one set of hands-on the controls and the other gesturing as he talks, “Between you and me? I get it,”

Tara smiles. Other than Cal, she feels the most comfortable around Greez. They bonded over a love of botany and he’s been singing her praises ever since she showed him the optimal way to balance the temperatures in the terrariums. 

She’s always been fairly adept at reading people. Most of all, Tara can sense that under the complaining and the rough exterior, Greez Dritus is a good being and that goes a long way to earning her trust.

“You don’t like her?” she asks.

Greez shrugs uncomfortably. “Ah, I wouldn’t say that. She’s fine and all, it’s just…”

“A lot?”

“Yeah...yeah, that’s a good way of putting it,” he agrees, “It’s just a lot to take in when we’re all stuck on this tin can,”

“You’re telling me,” Tara mumbles.

The ship shudders as they come out of hyperspace over the luscious green planet and Tara can’t fake her expression of excitement. Takodana is one of her favourite planets to visit, although her opportunities to do so have been few and far between. The climate is perfect with it’s real changing seasons and best of all, the wide variety of plant life fills her with energy. 

They’ve barely broken the atmosphere and she can always feel their lifeforce pulsing.

“Alright everyone, we’re here!” Greez announces, “Grab your things and let’s get moving,”

“I can already feel that fresh air waking me up!” Cere smiles, slinging a bag over her shoulder and pressing the controls for the ramp. 

“Nice to get out of the old bird for a while,” Greez agrees, “Place was starting to swim in hormones!”

The air outside rushes into the ship, blowing away the stale and recycled and bringing with it the scent of fresh grass and water. They’ve landed on the edge of the lake bank among some other ships. Tara practically bounces off the ship, taking a deep breath with a blissful smile.

“But if we are running from the Empire? Won’t we be found here?” Merrin asks and, for once, Tara can’t blame her question. 

“Here? Definitely not,” Tara smiles, “Maz Kanata has been running this place for generations before even our great-grandparents were born. The ‘pirate queen’ has no love for the Empire,”

“People come here because they  _ don’t _ want to be found,” Cere adds.

“And that pirate queen owes me a game or two of sabacc!” Greez says as they begin to wander towards the castle, “I’ll get her this time!”

“As long as you don’t gamble with the ship, just keep yourself out of trouble!” Cere sighs, “I intend to spend the next few days meditating in as much silence as possible,”

As they walk, Cal jogs up beside Tara, casually slinging his arm around her shoulders. 

“I was thinking, we drop these bags and then go for a walk. Just the two of us,” he smiles. 

She giggles as his nose traces her temple and she relishes being so close to him. Maybe it’s stupid, she thinks. They’ve all just been cooped up on the ship too long and all she really needs is a little fresh air, rest and some quality time to remind them what they’re actually fighting for.

“I think that you’re reading my mind, Kestis,” She replies, pressing her body into his and wrapping her arm around his waist.

“And, listen, I’m sorry that things haven’t been...ideal on the ship since Merrin arrived. I know it’s been awkward trying to adjust,” He adds contritely, “But I hope I can make up for it,”

“It’s alright. It’s not your fault. You don’t have anything to apologise for,” she tells him and she means that. 

The fact he’s even acknowledged her feelings goes a long way to making her feel better. She can already feel the ball of tension in her gut beginning to dissolve, replaced with the fluttering of anticipation over finally having him to herself for a few days.

“There’s finally space to get some training done,” He adds as they approach the castle, a helpful droid directing them to their rooms,

“There’s finally space. Period,” Tara sniggers as he opens the door. They’ve been given their own room and Tara can only assume that Greez has taken pity on them, knowing how much they’ve been craving privacy, “and oh Gods, a  _ real _ bed!” 

Cal laughs as she runs into the room, dumping her bag and throwing herself headfirst onto the fluffy mattress and soft sheets. It’s hardly a luxury hotel, but it’s larger than the bunk they usually share and he’s just relieved to see a carefree smile on her face. Following her lead, he drops his own bag and flops down on the bed next to her, lying on his side to cradle his head in his hand.

“This will do nicely,” Cal declares, smiling down at her, “Me. You. A bed designed for two people,”

“Couldn’t agree more,” Tara’s hand creeps up his chest, wrapping around his collar.

He doesn’t need any encouragement than a slight tug before he’s rolled almost on top of her, mouths clashing passionately, her hands sliding up his neck to fist in the back of his hair. A needy whimper is coaxed from the back of her throat. She can feel him smiling into their kiss, an arm scooping under her waist to pull her tighter against him. Only the need to breathe breaks them apart, his forehead resting on hers gently.

“We could always stay here?” he suggests hopefully, his lips blushed and voice rough, “Lock the door?”

“Hmm, tempting,” she grins, “But we’re only here for a few days and I’d like to spend some time outdoors at least once,” 

His pupils are blown and Tara has a distinct feeling that once they make it into the bed, they won’t be leaving it any time soon. It suits her fine but she  _ does _ want to see the forest. She kisses him lightly, reluctantly pushing him off her to stand.

“You’re the one who suggested the walk,” she teases, reaching into her bag for fresh clothes, “Maybe the fresh air will calm you down!” 

Cal reclines back on the bed, sitting up on his elbows to watch her change clothes, almost pouting when she’s down to her underwear.

“Right now, this is not helping,” he groans, “Have I told you how beautiful you are recently?”

Pulling on a fresh pair of leggings and a light long-sleeved shirt, she’s blushing but relishing the attention. She knows he loves her, but it’s nice to feel wanted. To feel desired over certain others.

“Come on,” she says, holding out her hands to him to pull him up off the bed, “We’ll go and get some actual sunlight and later on, I promise, there will be no moving us out of this room for at least 24 hours,”

00000

The late afternoon sun fractures through the trees, glittering on the lake by the castle. Hand in hand, they set off with no path in mind, but lovesick smiles on their faces that Tara just knows Greez would have a field day commenting on.

They talk about everything from the happier times at the temple to lightsaber maintenance. She tells him about the breeds of trees they’re surrounded with, what they feel like within the force and how Greez asked her to grab some samples.

“He wants this weed that grows at the bottom of the lake. I don’t know how many times I’ve told him, I’m not swimming for it!”

It’s carefree and although the cloud of the Empire still hovers above, they’re in mutual agreement that for at least a few days, it can wait. 

Walking turns into goading, challenging him to a sparring match she plans on losing just to get his body on her’s again. Cal knows the game well and he’s more than willing to play, chasing her through the woods and smothering her laughter with a kiss. By the time they’re heading back to the castle under the orange glow of the setting sun, they’ve both gained more than a few grass stains.

Entering the main hall, Tara is still picking out twigs from her hair.

“We promised we’d at least get food with everyone,” Tara reminds Cal as he whines behind her, “One meal. It’s one meal,”

She’s telling herself just as much as him. Their afternoon has been idyllic and, frankly, she doesn’t want to risk ruining it but Cere asked if they’d be joining for a meal that’s not been cooked from the ship's stock of dehydrated food. They decided to follow their stomachs, although the competition was fierce.

“There you both are,” Cere smiles, “Thought you might have gotten lost on purpose,”

“Admiring the flora up close there, Tara?” Greez teases as Tara hastily pulls a leaf from her hair and curses not changing before dinner.

“Why yes, it was lovely,” she smirks back. 

The food has just landed on the table, the scent of spiced meats and real vegetables making her mouth water. Greez is sniggering under his breath at her grin, both of them in on the joke. Really, the Latero is just happy to see the girl smiling.

“Good for you, sweetheart. Hey, did you manage to…”

“No! And I’m not going swimming for you,” she says firmly, “That lake is deeper than it looks, and cold too,” 

Cal laughs next to her, the crew all helping themselves to the food and drink that’s been placed on the table. Greez sighs dramatically.

“But you  _ know _ this is only one of three planets that grow this stuff!” he insists.

“I know what you’re trying to do...and fine, maybe I’ll see what I can get the day we’re planning on leaving,” she relents, “But not a moment before that!”

“Where did you two go today then?” Cere asks with interest. 

“We just walked. Followed our feet,” he shrugs, before pausing to take a drink, “Headed around the lake and into the forest,”

“I was not aware of this walk,” Merrin adds. Her tone straight to the point, without accusation, but Tara tenses immediately, the grip on her cup tightening.

“That’s because you weren’t invited,” she grumbles cooly, her eyes looking to the ceiling as she takes a large gulp of wine. 

Next to her, Cal exhales slowly, placing a hand on her knee under the table. “Tara…” her name is spoken as a gentle warning.

The ball of tension she’s grown too used to over the weeks since Merrin’s arrival, the one she hadn’t felt all afternoon, is appearing again. It’s twisting her gut painfully, tightening her chest. It’s fight or flight, its protect what’s yours at all costs or lose everything.

Or so her body seems to think. The part of her brain that isn’t tapping into her feral instincts is screaming at her to calm down, that it’s all in her head.

“Maybe next time,” Merrin says, “I am curious, I know so much about Cal and very little about you,”

Merrin is sitting on the other side of Cal, his body thankfully making it easier for Tara to avoid the nightsister’s inquisitive gaze. Tara is very interested in her plate, although her appetite is waning. 

“Oh, you know  _ so much _ about Cal, huh?” Tara replies, the fork in her hand shifting the poultry from side to side, “Then I’m amazed you need to know anything about me,”

“I am only asking because I think it is important to learn from many Jedi,” Merrin presses, “You all have different experiences,”

Tara’s knuckles are turning white, her jaw clenching as she takes a deep inhale through her nose. 

“Boy, Maz hasn’t lost a step with the food here huh?” Greez says, his voice a little higher pitched as he tries to diffuse the building tension at the table, “I know I’m good but-”

“My  _ experiences _ are none of your business,” Tara growls, finally turning her head to look at the other girl, her eyes hard and cold.

“Tara, it’s alright...she didn’t mean anything by it,” Cal tries to put himself in her eyeline but a fuse has been lit. He knows it. He can feel it in her body, in the way the force is moving between them.

“I’ve watched the things you can do with the force. It’s very impressive,” Merrin adds, seemingly unaware of how the conversation is going, “It’s not a surprise you survived Order 66,”

The clatter of Tara’s fork on her plate silences the table. Nobody moves, eyes flit from person to person. She can feel her throat beginning to close, a familiar sting behind the back of her eyes. She doesn’t know which emotion to feel first, it’s all mingling together, creating a pressure that’s going to explode into either tears, violence or both.

“Ah, Merrin, we don’t really talk about-,”

“I survived Order 66 because my Master gave herself up to stop them finding me,” Tara says, interrupting Cal’s attempt at diplomacy, “I was 12 years old. I was a  _ child _ !”

Her voice seems calm but it’s beginning to break. She knows if she doesn’t leave the table soon she’s going to say something she regrets.

“I was a child who thought she knew everything and I knew  _ nothing _ ! I believed in the republic, justice and democracy. Look where that got us! I’ve spent the past 6 years hiding, being hunted or waiting to die...and I don’t need you coming here and reminding me every day that I could lose everything all over again!”

Now she knows there are tears in her eyes, spilling over her lashes. The walls are closing in, everyone is staring at her while other tables have begun to show interest in the raised voices nearby. Abruptly, Tara pushes herself back, her chair scraping loudly on the stone floor as she stands to leave. Cal’s hand catches hers.

“Tara, don’t go,” Something hurts in her chest when she pulls her hand away, made worse by the wounded expression he shoots her.

“Leave me alone,” 

Greez offers a sympathetic smile as she leaves.


	4. Insecurity (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After losing her tempter with Merrin, Tara overhears a conversation between Merrin and Cal that confirms where she stands. (Following on from part 1)

Now she’s done it. She’s ruined a perfect day because she lost control of her temper. 

The moment she’s outside the castle walls her stomach empties, the adrenaline from her anger starting to ebb. She’s hunched over, trying to avoid her boots and she hopes to the Gods that Cal hasn’t followed her. It’s quiet now that the sun has set, only a few drinkers heading inside who think she’s had one too many. Staggering to the lake, she dips her hand in the water, washing the acidic taste from her mouth and cooling her skin.

“Kriff!” she curses at herself, heading towards the long pier heading towards the middle of the lake. It’s cold now the sun has gone down and she wishes she had one of Cal’s ponchos to keep her warm. Going back isn’t an option and the ship is locked tight. 

So she sits with tears in her eyes, goosebumps rising on her arms as the breeze crosses the water. Moonlight floods the area, the peace in stark contrast to her turbulent emotions. She needs control, to meditate and bring herself back. 

Wiping the moisture from her cheeks, she takes a deep breath to steady herself, closing her eyes to the world.

00000

Hours might have passed. Or minutes. Tara doesn’t know.

When her eyes finally open, her body feels lighter than before but she’s tired and so cold. She just wants to find Cal, to apologise for ruining their time together and to fall into bed. Maybe in the morning she’d finally talk things out with Merrin too.

The problem is she thought she was doing fine. The occasional bad dream here and there, but she’s alive, her and Cal have found each other, and that’s the important part. She could say she was provoked but the truth is, the longer she hides her damage, the worse her defensive, distrusting emotions are going to get.

It’s almost pitch black by the time she’s near the castle again. The fires that burn outside illuminate the walls, the imposing statue of Maz casting an ominous shadow around the perimeter. As she approaches, a familiar red headed figure is sitting by the fire next to a grey woman that she isn’t ready to talk to yet. In a panic, Tara darts against the wall, hidden in the shadows.

“You are waiting for Tara?” she hears Merrin ask him.

_ Go to bed, Tara...just go to bed… _

Eavesdropping is wrong. Eavesdropping on your partner is even worse and she knows she needs to trust him, but the temptation is just too much. Pressing her cheek against the cold stone wall, Tara focuses on the conversation.

“I thought I sensed her nearby,” Cal replies, flat, “But...it’s been a while now. I’ll wait,”

“I did not mean to upset her. do not think Tara likes me much,” Merrin says, as matter of fact as it comes, but there’s a hint of sadness in her expression.

“It’s not that,” Cal shakes his head, “That was a sensitive subject. Tara’s been through a lot, like all of us. It takes a while for her to trust people. I don’t blame her, I never will...that’s how we’ve survived for this long,”

Merrin nods her understanding, but a puzzled expression crosses her face, “You called her ‘forcemate’ but you have not explained what this means,”

Hidden from them in the darkness, Tara holds her breath.

“I met Tara when we were five years old. She was this terrified little girl with braids and these huge eyes sitting alone in the temple gardens. The minute I spoke to her and she smiled at me, something...clicked into place. Like a missing piece of a puzzle,”

Cal stares ahead into the fire thoughtfully. It’s a hard feeling to explain or put into words without sounding overly sentimental. 

“When we were separated, something inside me just felt wrong. I thought she was dead, like everyone else,” he continues, “Seeing her again...I can’t put it into words. She’s the other half of me. Where she goes, I go,”

Merrin smiles but Cal is still looking into the fire, his head filled with the memory of that little girl in robes that were slightly too large for her tiny frame, staring at him like a startled bird when he introduced himself. She’d fixed her sleeves and lifted her chin as elegantly as a five year old could, and smiled politely when she told him her name.

_ Hello, Cal Kestis. I’m Tara Tyree… _

“You are very much in love with her,” Merrin says. It’s not a question.

“Until the day the force takes me,”

Tara’s sobbing gasp is louder than she intended, slapping her hands over her mouth as fresh tears run down her cheeks. She’s running into the castle before Cal’s head can turn properly, her legs burning with the effort of leaping two stairs at a time until she’s inside their room.

Cal isn’t far behind.

“Tara, was that you out there?”

She rushes to him, throwing her arms around his neck tightly, burying her face into the space under his chin as she cries.

“I’m so sorry,” she sobs, “I’m just...I’m so damn sorry,”

He holds her tightly, letting her cry out her frustrations until her sobs are reduced to sniffs, stroking her hair and adding the occasional soothing word.

“It’s alright,”

“No, it’s not,” Tara insists, standing back to look at him. Her eyes are red, her skin blotchy and she knows she must look an absolute fright. She doesn’t understand how he can still smile at her, “I have been acting like...a kriffing brat since Merrin set foot on that ship and it’s not fair. I’m sorry,”

Cal waves his hand, the door behind them closing. “Talk to me about it then, tell me what’s been going on. I can’t help you if I don’t know!”

She casts her eyes to the ceiling, biting her lip. All her emotions seem so sensible in her head. Having to say it out loud makes everything seem so much more trivial. What if he laughs at her? 

_ Or worse... _

“Cal, I’m scared literally all the time,” she sighs, “I don’t know how to just let go of everything that’s past and I don’t know what’s going to happen and I...I can’t lose you again. To the empire, to Merrin, any of them! You can’t leave me alone, not again!”

He blinks at her, tilting his head to the side with wide eyes, his mouth falling open. The silence is too much. He needs to say  _ something.  _

“You...you think you’re going to lose me to Merrin?” he asks quietly, brows furrowing. 

Tara nods silently, casting her gaze to the floor. She’s feeling more like a chastised child by the minute but then he’s in front of her, tilting her chin upwards and kissing her breathless. A hand cups her cheek gently, brushing away a stray tear with his thumb.

“Where you go, I go,” he reminds her ardently with a gentle smile, “I know you’re scared, but you’re not alone. I’m here, I’m always going to be here. You’re not going to lose me. Just...don’t shut me out if you feel that way,”

“I won’t,” she promises softly.

“Besides, you think you’re the only one who’s scared?” he asks, “I swear, my heart is in my mouth whenever you get a scratch on you...which is all the time, you have no sense of self preservation!”

Her nose scrunches as she buries her face in his chest, knowing that there’s sincerity in the words beneath the airy tone. She feels foolish and selfish for only seeing things from her own point of view. She’d rarely stopped to consider how Cal would feel watching the danger she put herself in so often.

“And I’ll talk to Merrin. I won’t tell her what you said,” he adds quickly, seeing as she is about to protest, “but I can at least explain that we need a little more privacy,” 

Tara shakes her head. “No, I should speak to her myself. I haven’t been the kindest,”

Cal nods. “I think that can wait until you’ve had some time to relax. You barely ate, want to go and get some food?” he asks. 

Tara shakes her head. She waves her hand and the lock on the door clicks into place.

“I think I have a better idea,”

00000

It’s been the best 24 hours in living memory.

There are bruises on her inner thighs from his hip bones, his back is marred with scratches and Tara is hoping her hair will hide the very prominent bite mark on the junction between her neck and shoulder. Some hedonistic time alone was exactly what they needed after they’d cleared the air. Lying naked together, wrapped in the sheets, she’d never felt more content.

Eventually the need to wash and eat a substantial meal force them to leave their room for a final day on the planet before their quest would need to continue. They’ve made headway, but the Empire won’t wait forever. At least Tara knows they’re leaving having bonded closer than ever.

There’s just one loose end she has to fix.

“Praise the Gods, they emerge!” Greez announces, standing on his chair and waving his arms as Tara and Cal walk into the castle hall, their cheeks heating up, “I thought I was gonna have to send a bounty hunter in there to drag you both out!”

“Good morning to you too,” Tara smiles sweetly, inconspicuously arranging her hair around her neck and taking a seat.

“It’s nice to see you both looking so relaxed,” Cere adds, “I’ve been monitoring Empire transmissions, we can afford one more afternoon here before we need to get moving. What’s everyone's plans?”

“I have one more chance to get back my credits!” Greez says, “I swear, I’ve got those boys on the ropes now!”

“Spoken like a true gambler,” Cal sniggers, “I’m probably going to do some training while we still have the space,”

“Did you do enough _ training _ yesterday? Ow, hey!” Greez teases, earning a bread roll in the face from Tara while Cal blushes.

“I think I’m going to do some cutting. There’s a lot of samples on this planet that would be great to get on board,” Tara says, buttering the bread roll she hasn’t thrown, “Merrin, do you want to join me?”

Merrin looks up, her eyes wide. It might be the most emotion Tara’s seen from the girl since she joined the crew. She blinks at Tara for a moment before slowly nodding her head, a smile beginning to creep into her expression.

“I would like that,”

“Great,” Tara smiles.

The table falls quiet but considerably less tense than their previous meal together.

“So, uh...about that swim-”

“No, Greez!”

00000

“I am surprised that you asked me to come with you,”

“Well, I think it’s time we had a real talk and there’s no better privacy than a sprawling forest,” Tara laughs awkwardly.

The dirt trail crunches under her boots as they walk, the sounds of birds in the rustling trees breaking up what might have been an uncomfortable silence.

“I am sorry for upsetting you,” Merrin says sincerely, “I am still learning about you, I do not always know where the boundaries lie,”

Tara stops at a large tree, turning to Merrin. “Thank you, but I’m the one who should be apologising. Honestly, I’ve been nothing but cold to you since you joined the crew and that isn’t fair. You’ve lost just as much as we have,

She turns back to the tree, peering up at the higher branches with narrowed eyes and a triumphant smile. 

“I understand. Trusting new people can be difficult,” Merrin agrees, watching Tara test the bark with the sole of her boots, “What...are you doing?”

“See that moss up there?” Tara says, pointing upwards. Merrin nods, “I’m going to get some!”

“Why?” Tara has already started climbing, the other girl on the ground watching her with a quizzical expression, “Be careful!”

“Because this moss can be turned into an excellent healing compound better than any bacta you’ve ever seen!” Tara shouts from halfway up the tree, shimmying onto a branch to sit. 

Carefully she begins to pick the green from the bark, wrapping the samples in linen to safely tuck into the pouch on her belt. Merrin watches her intently until she delicately begins to pick her way back down the tree, landing with a thud back on the ground.

“Anyway, the point is, I didn’t give you a chance and...I was jealous and stupid and I’m really sorry,” Tara sighs honestly.

“Jealous of what?” Merrin asks as they continue their walk. 

Tara stops at a nearby plant with bright blue flowers and huge curling leaves. From her pouch, she pulls out a small pair of shears, carefully snipping certain blooms. Her nose scrunches, her eyes full of shame.

“I...ah Gods, alright,” she groans, regretting her choice to be honest, “I thought that you were making moves on Cal,”

“Making moves? What is making moves?”

“You know, I thought you were interested in him...romantically,” she mumbles, finishing her work with the plant.

The last reaction she expects is for Merrin, serious, nightsister Merrin, to throw her head back and laugh. With an eyebrow raised, Tara can’t help but pout.

“Alright, I didn’t think it was that funny…”

“I’m sorry, I am not laughing at you,” Merrin replies, still composing herself, “But you should not worry about Cal Kestis. He is a good man, but I am not interested in the male gender. I find females far more pleasing,”

Tara’s mouth falls open. Of all the answers, it’s not what she’d expected, and she feels like the galaxy's biggest fool.

“Oh,” she exclaims, “Well, I guess that answers that,” she laughs under her breath, shaking her head and awkwardly tucking her black hair behind her ear.

“Besides, from that mark on your neck, I would say Cal has already made his feelings quite clear, no?”

“GODS!”

Her face bright pink, Tara vowed that next time she’d direct him to another body part.


	5. Kiss me like you missed me...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They've never been 'just friends'. Tara and Cal finally confront their relationship status...sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline: Takes place during JFO. Tara has been part of the crew for a few weeks when they get called back to Kashyyyk.

The distress call from Kashyyyk comes barely three weeks since they’ve left with Tara.

“The Empire has overrun the refinery,” Mari shouts through the garbled message, static crackling over her words, “We need help!”

“We’re running on borrowed time,” Cere sighs, shaking her head as they stand around the holotable, “If something happens down there…”

“Mari isn’t going to last long. None of them are!” Tara cries, “They don’t know what we’re looking for yet and Saw has abandoned the planet. You might not want to help, but I am not losing another home to the Empire!”

So she fights. The moment her boots hit the ground she’s ignited her weapon, running towards Mari and her fighters. Tara grits her teeth. The Stormtroopers have taken to burning the trees around them, driving the Wookies from their homes and cover. The smoke is thick, clinging to the back of their throats as they charge, stinging their eyes. She can feel the forest, the life force in every plant and animal. They are terrified, crying out for help and she thinks of them with every irate swing of her weapon.

Cal tries to keep her in his sights but chaos reigns. People are shouting orders, blaster fire ricochets, splintering embers from burning trees falling from above. The orange glow of her lightsaber is soon the only trace he can see of her and even that eventually disappears but he can still sense her presence in the force.

As long as he can feel her, he’ll know she’s still alive.

It’s a long fight and Cal wonders how long it will be until they have to do it all over again. For now, at least, it’s over and he can’t believe how quiet it is. There’s no more blaster fire, explosions or shouting. People talk in muted voices, tending to their wounded and preparing the dead for mass funerals.

Cal wanders the area, scanning the human faces anxiously to find her. His body aches, blood is drying on his forehead from a superficial cut but he’s not going to rest, he can’t, not until he knows for sure she’s safe. 

“Cal!”

A blur of a person runs at him from out of nowhere, throwing her arms around his neck and squeezing him tightly before she stands back to take him all in, her eyes moving rapidly.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Tara asks quickly, cupping his face with her hands, “What happened to your face?” She adds, gesturing to the blood.

“It’s nothing,” he insists, holding onto her wrists to gently remove her hands, giving her the once over as well. Her ponytail has half fallen out, a bruise is starting to appear on her slightly swollen cheek and just as he is, she’s covered in a layer of dirt and soot, “All good?”

“Nothing that a shower can’t handle,” she smiles, but the expression doesn’t quite meet her exhausted eyes, “And some sleep. For now, I’ll settle for sitting down,”

She relaxes a little now she’s found him and knows he isn’t hurt, but when she grabs his hand, her grip is still tense. Finding a nearby crate, tucked against the landing pad wall, they both exhale heavily as they sit down.

Bodies pressed against one another, still holding hands, Tara rests her head on Cal’s shoulder as they sit watching the world around them. It’s oddly blissful considering they sit in the aftermath of a warzone but both are so relieved that the fighting is finally over for the moment.

“How long do you think it’ll last this time,” Tara asks quietly.

He gives her hand a squeeze, leaning his head on the top of hers. He doesn’t mean to seem needy, but the contact is reassuring to both of them.

“Long enough,” he says hopefully, “Long enough for the Wookies to regroup, build some defences. Some of them might be safer off-planet though,”

“Makes you wonder what the point is sometimes,” she sighs, “We fight them off one day but they’ll just come back again...and again...Kashyyyk is only one planet. They do this all over the galaxy. How do you fight that?”

He wishes he had a good answer for her but he’s just as lost. The odds are overwhelming, he can’t blame her for feeling hopeless. Instead, he nuzzles his cheek against her hair comfortingly.

“Sometimes all you can do is just...keep going. Do the next right thing and I hope that it makes a difference,”

“Maybe you’re right. Still, never thought I’d be back here so soon,” she smiles, lifting her head to look at him. There’s a particularly dark smear of ash across the bridge of her nose, the dirt making her eyes shine brighter in comparison, “Only a few weeks on the ship and you’re already bringing me home. Girl has to wonder what kind of impression she makes,”

“This is your home?” Cal asks. 

Tara looks around herself thoughtfully. 

“It’s been where I’ve stayed since…” she doesn’t need to finish her sentence. He knows what she’s talking about. She’s staring down at her own hands, fidgeting with her dirty nails until she looks back to him with nothing but honesty on her face, absent of shame or fear as she speaks, “You’re my home. You always have been,”

She isn’t sure what he’s thinking but she knows Cal, she’s seen the face he makes when he’s trying to process the meaning of something. His head cocks to the side, a mild veneer of puzzlement in his eyes. Even if he doesn’t fully understand her meaning, it feels good to say it out loud.

Truthfully, neither are completely clear on what they are. They certainly don’t act like just friends. Most nights, Tara finds herself climbing into his bunk. They hold hands, they cuddle together on the mantis seating. Every conversation, every interaction is loaded with charged glances and touches. 

They’ve always had a connection but now they’re older, young adults shaped by their experiences and somehow it still feels like they haven’t lost a step. Finding the other again in the midst of the chaos was the will of the force, Cal is sure of it because everything feels right when they’re together. He opens his mouth to say something, his jaw snapping shut because he just can’t articulate what her words mean to him. 

He’s only ever kissed one other girl before Tara. He was 13 and she was the daughter of scrapper on Bracca. It wasn’t very memorable and he didn’t see that girl again. He hasn’t thought about it until this moment. 

He swoops forward, pausing, his lips a whisper away from hers. It’s a simple action but one that may change the dynamic of their relationship forever. It’s what makes him pause but Tara has no such apprehension, tilting her head to close the gap between them.

It’s soft, cautious. He tenses for only a second before giving in, his ungloved hand drifting to cup her face, a thumb tracing her cheek gently. The tender action fills her with warmth, her body melting into the touch. There’s a rush of helplessness, a vulnerability, his hand sliding around the back of her neck with rising intensity, his insistent mouth parting for her. 

The floodgates are open, both blissfully ignorant to the world still around them as Tara throws a leg over his hips to sit astride. Cal doesn’t care, he needs her just as close, his free arm around her waist to hold her against him. Tara’s hands lightly fist in the back of his hair and she can feel him smile.

Rebels begin to notice the young couple, nudging each other with knowing smiles, casual comments about young love and how they should be left alone to enjoy themselves because who knows how much time anyone has. One or two people wolf whistle, but it’s all in good nature. Seeing something so positive makes a change from the relentless violence.

“Woah! I’m happy to be alive too. You gonna kiss me like that?”

They finally break apart, lips blushed and breathing heavily. Greez is standing a few feet away, one set of arms crossed over his chest and the other set on his hips. There’s a pleased smile on his face knowing he’s caught them in the act.

He has a bet going with Cere how long it would take them that he finally gets to cash in.

Biting her lip doesn’t hide the giddy smile on Tara’s face as she gracelessly climbs off his lap. Cal’s pupils are so blown she’d swear he was on spice. The dirt has been smeared wherever hands have roamed. They’re both exhausted and sore, yet it’s the lightest Cal has felt since before the Order. He knows she feels it too, the way the force pulses around them in harmony.

“Beat me at Dejarik and we’ll see,” Tara jokes, finally turning back to the Latero. 

“Actually, I was talking to Cal. I got a thing for redheads,” Greez smirks sarcastically, “Come on, kids, I think it’s time we get moving to resupply. You can clean up on board,”

Tara turns back to Cal with a shy smile. “Greez is right. We should probably get moving,” she holds out her hand to him, “Coming with?”

He glances down at her outstretched hand and Tara wiggles her fingers at him. She’s a mess. She smells like smoke and blood. There are bruises marking exposed skin and her ponytail still sits off to one side.

She’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

“Always,” 

There’s something deeper behind the answer and she knows they have more to talk about, but for now, she grins at him, tugging on his arm when he places his hand in hers.

00000

The washing facilities on the mantis are hardly luxury, there’s barely enough room to move in the single fresher cubicle without smacking an elbow or knee, but to Tara stepping under the running water feels heavenly. The temperature is hot enough to sting the skin, the dirt running from her in waves, and finally she can see that actual extent of her bruises. It takes four rounds of soap but finally, her hair no longer smells of smoke and she steps from the fresher feeling a million miles closer to herself. 

Inspecting her face in the mirror, her right cheek is mottled with grey, purple and yellow. It’s swollen and painful to touch. She finds this out by experimentally poking at the mark, regretting her decision with a hiss. Tying up her wet hair, she pulls on clean leggings and a plain shirt. 

It’s quiet on the ship and that suits her fine. They’ve closed their doors, intent on leaving the moment Greez and Cere has caught up on their rest. Heading from the fresher, Tara makes for the kitchen in a tired haze. 

“You still take the longest showers,” Cal comments from his place down by the seating area. 

Tara grabs the ice pack she was looking for, offering him an innocent smile. He, too, has washed and changed, sitting with half-dry hair. The cut on his head has been cleaned, another scar to add to his collection.

“In my defence, I think I have a good reason this time,” she shrugs, “I never thought I’d get that dirt out from my nails,”

She slowly walks down the steps towards the seats to join him, her anxious mind comforted by the way he automatically lifts his arm for her to settle in at his side. He uses his other hand to tilt her chin, inspecting her face.

“Someone got you good,” he grumbles. The hand around her shoulder takes the ice pack from her, gently pressing it to her face while she leans into him.

“Pretty sure I got them right back,” she yawns, “No big deal,”

“You should go to bed,” 

“So should you,” she mutters. Considering her eyes are heavy where she rests in the crook of his neck, it’s not the comeback she thinks it is.

“I wanted to see you first,” he says honestly, “Check that you were okay?”

“I’m okay…” she says, her words starting to slur, “I’m okay as long as I’ve got you,”

Cal smiles, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, “You’ll always have me,” he promises.

He means it too because everything just feels easy around Tara, like he’s in balance again after living off-kilter for so long. Her breathing is deep and even, her arm around his waist for stability while she uses him as a human pillow.

“Tara?” he whispers, shaking her shoulder. He wants to say more to her, to tell her exactly what she means to him but he can feel the huffs of air from her slack mouth as she lightly begins to snore. Cal smiles to himself, putting down the ice pack. 

They’ll talk again later.


	6. Dreams are just that...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cere spoke of letting go of the past, but sometimes the past just doesn't want to let go of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timescale: Set shortly after the events of JFO

Corellia is hardly the most exciting planet.

The skies above are grey, mottled with clouds that block out the heat from the Sun, only made worse by the breeze coming into Santhe shipyards from the nearby water.

“Of course, we build all kinds of spacecraft here as well!” The diplomat giving them the tour adds as if this astounding snippet of information is going to change Tara’s mind about the afternoon.

Diligently, Tara follows behind her master Yvana, who makes a far better job of feigning interest.

“Everything is looking wonderful,” she smiles, “I’m particularly impressed by your advanced reactor designs,”

“I’m so glad you noticed. We’ve also been developing our weapons technology if you’d like to follow me…”

Tara trots to walk beside Yvana, trying to be as subtle as she can as she speaks.

“Master, how long will this take?” she asks. She wants to be respectful of her master and the mission given to them, but it’s difficult when she’s so damn bored.

“Something better to do, Padawan?” Yvana asks, amusement clearly colouring her tone.

“Well, it’s just...I was hoping we could train. I think I’ve really nailed that takedown you showed me last week!” Tara adds.

It’s a cheap move to use training as an excuse, but not entirely dishonest. For all Yvana is teaching Tara with a lightsaber, her own speciality has always been unarmed combat. Tara remembered watching Yvana train for the first time when she arrived. She’d been captivated by the Twi'leks grace and strength. Everything Yvana did was graceful and Tara wanted to be just like her.

“And?” Yvana prompts. 

“What do you mean, master?”

“And I know you, Tara Tyree. There’s something else you’re not saying,”

Tara looks away, fidgeting with the sleeves of her robes. She’s never been very good at guarding her emotions, let alone her schooling her facial expressions.

“If we get back in time, I wanted to record a holo to send to Cal,” she adds, her cheeks already aflame at the knowing smile on Yvana’s face.

“Cal Kestis? Jaro Tapal’s padawan,” Yvana comments, “You two are very close,”

“He’s my best friend,” Tara shrugs, “That’s all,”

Yvana nods slowly, appraising her apprentice as they walk together, the diplomat still prattling on in front of them. From the beginning of their training, the children are told about how the Jedi do not form attachments, how those emotions can lead to the wrong path. Tara is 12 years old, at the mercy of her hormones as much as her training. She talks about Cal Kestis every day and Yvana is worried.

“You have a big heart, Tara. You’re passionate about what you believe in,” Yvana sighs, “You need to learn to control that passion, and not let it control you,”

“Is this still about Cal?” 

“This is about you, padawan,” Yvana sighs, “I worry about your impulsive nature. I want you to grow to trust in your training, to restrain yourself when you need to...but unleash fury if you must,”

Tara doesn’t really understand. She says nothing as they walk, her thoughtful frown directed to her boots. What would Cal have to do with passion and control? The Jedi talked of attachments but they never said anything about being friends with someone. In fact, Tara always thought the cornerstone of peace was friendship and they are peacekeepers, aren’t they?

Yvana takes pity on the clearly vexed student.

“The moment we are done here, I promise, we will continue your training,” she says, “And you can record a holo for your friend,”

Tara grins. It’s the first genuine smile she’s sported since their riveting day of shipyard tours began. Yvana stops suddenly, closing her eyes and holding her head. Her face is contorted with pain.

“Master? Master, what’s wrong?” Tara begs, pulling on Yvana’s sleeve. 

“Something awful is happening!” Yvana gasps, “We have to move. Now!”

The force is in flux. Inconsistently changing and pulsing as Yvana grabs her lightsaber from her belt, Tara following her masters lead. All around them, clones are lifting their weapons and preparing to fire. The sound of the blasters are deafening, the heat intense.

“What’s happening?!” Tara cries, “Why are they shooting at us?”

Focus. She needs to focus. It’s not a training exercise, safe in the bubble of the temple or on one of the star destroyers exercise rooms. Tara’s hands shake, her grip on the hilt of her lightsaber so tight her knuckles are turning white. 

A blaster bolt catches the side of her arm, burning through the fabric to slice through her skin.

“Ah!”

“Tara, run!” Yvana shouts, “I’ll hold them back. Get to one of those pods!”

“What about you?”

“No questions, just move!”

Blood is beginning to stain the rest of her sleeve. She doesn’t want to leave her master, but she knows she needs to move, turning on her heel and sprinting away. The shipyard is vast, a maze of crafts and she wished she’d paid more attention earlier. 

“There she is, open fire!”

Every turn seemingly leads her into more danger, more troopers ready to kill without hesitation. These men that they’d fought beside, who protected them all these years and now, she was running from them. Blaster bolts almost catch her heels as she rounds another corner.

“Kriff!”

Dead end. Nowhere to go. She frantically pulls at the door controls, willing them to open with trembling fingers. The footsteps of troopers are growing louder. Her eyes begin to sting, hot tears spilling over lashes and down her cheeks. Her arm is in agony, the pain dizzying. 

There’s four of them. They have her cornered, their blasters raised ready to fire. Her back literally to a wall, Tara does the only thing she can. She ignites her lightsaber, orange illuminating the dark space, but her heart thunders in her chest, her shoulders tremble as much as her lower lip. 

She doesn’t feel brave but she doesn’t want to die.

“Master!” 

The green of the lightsaber bursts through the first troopers chest, the others barely able to register Yvana’s presence before they’re met with a similar fate. When they are all on the floor, Yvana rushes forward to Tara.

“Are you alright?” She asks hastily. Tara nods, “We’ve been betrayed. The clones have turned on us. You need to get out of here!”

She forces the door of the pod open, roughly shoving Tara inside before reaching into the console and pressing some coordinates.

“Go to Kashyyyk and find Master Yoda,” Yvanna tells her, “He’ll know what to do!”

“But...what about you? Aren’t you coming,” Tara asks frantically. 

The pods engines have already begun to roar to life. Yvana shakes her head.

“If they’re concentrating on me, they won’t be looking at you,” Yvana smiles sadly, “May the force be with you, Tara”

“No! Master, you can’t leave me,” Tara cries, trying to climb back out of the pod only to find herself forcefully thrown back inside. The door slams shut, “Yvana!”

It’s no use. The door is locked tight and no amount of screaming or slamming with her fists is going to change that but it doesn’t mean she won’t try. Beyond the toughened glass on the door, Tara can just make out the green of the lightsaber being swung as the ship begins to leave the ground.

Her throat burns, her hands are raw from trying to punch through steel, her knuckles bleeding. Everything is spinning as she sits back into the single-seat, rubbing her damp eyes with her sleeves. So many questions need answers and now Tara finds herself alone in a single manned pod on auto-pilot to a planet she’s never been on. 

Minutes turn into hours alone in the vastness of space, quiet now she’s passed into the mid-rim territories. She’s never seen a pod like this, let alone learned to fly one and it occurs to Tara that this might still be her end, left to die alone on a ship before she can even touch down on Kashyyyk. She has no food, no water and her hope is fading.

Her pale hand shakes as she presses a few buttons.

“I don’t know if you’re going to get this,” Tara begins, talking directly to the holocamera, “Cal, something happened...there was an attack. The clones just started firing on us! Yvana...I think she’s dead,” she sobs.

It takes a moment for her to regain her composure, her breathing coming in deep gulps.

“I have no idea what’s going to happen. I’m going to Kashyyyk, Yvanna told me to find Master Yoda but...I’m so afraid. I’m so confused. I hope you’re safe, please...please be safe…”

Her head still pounding, Tara sits back and closes her eyes.

**6 years later**

Tara wakes gasping for air, her eyes flying open in the darkness of their room. Her heart is racing, there’s a sheen of sweat on her skin and slowly her awareness of her surroundings grows.

Cal is lying next to her, his arms wrapped tightly around her body as he snores softly into her hair. Still shaken, she awkwardly turns to face him, running her hand across his stubbled cheek. She can feel his scar, comforted that he isn’t a beautiful figment of her imagination.

“S’wrong?” he mumbles, his eyes still closed. 

Tara sighs, sitting up and pushing her hair out of her face. 

“Nothing, it’s alright. Go back to sleep,” she tells him, trying to sound lighthearted, but Cal’s eyes open anyway. She can see them shining at her.

“I know you, it’s something,” He yawns, “Tell me,”

“Just stupid dreams,” Tara sighs, “Things I can’t change or control. I know I should let go but…”

“It’s not always that easy,” Cal finishes for her without judgement. He sits up enough to hold her shoulders, gently bringing her back down to rest on his chest. His fingers stroke her bare arm in a well practiced motion that soothes her frazzled nerves.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you,” she mumbles against his skin. Cal shakes his head.

“How many times have you done this for me?” he asks rhetorically, “Where you go, I go, remember? We’re a team,”

“Yvana always suspected you,” Tara says fondly, smiling where she lies on him, “She was always telling me about attachments...how dangerous they can be,”

“Pretty sure Master Tapal felt the same way,” Cal snorts, “He’d never just say it but I could see the disapproval on his face whenever I mentioned you,,”

“Hmm. You spoke about me often?” she teases, her voice growing quiet as she relaxes. 

“You were my best friend,” Cal shrugs, “You were on my mind a lot,”

“And what am I now?” she yawns happily, knowing their secret answer since a well earned trip to Canto Bight. 

Cal kisses her forehead.

“You’re my wife,”


	7. Forcemates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cal and Tara are growing closer and Cere knows it's only a matter of time until two 18-year-old's with their own room get into THAT kind of trouble...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline: Set during the events of JFO. Before Dathomir. Merrin isn't part of the crew yet.
> 
> Tw: not safe for work, loss of virginity, smut, birth control.

Greez fills his cup in the kitchen area of the ship, focusing his attention on the streaming hot liquid and definitely not the giggling that comes from the seats below.

He doesn’t need to look to know what’s going on. It’s been the same since their second trip to Kashyyyk when he found them kissing in front of everyone. He doesn’t know the finer details but from the way the two Jedi padawans have been acting, he can only assume their relationship has evolved from the unspoken hypothetical to something very much out in the open.

Which Greez wouldn’t mind if they weren’t being so...cutesy.

He doesn’t bother to spare them a second glance as he walks past on his way to the cockpit of the ship where Cere is sitting at her usual console.

“You know, I thought when they finally got to it that all that lovey nonsense would calm down,” he grumbles, “I didn’t think it would get worse. Can barely move around my own ship without being smacked in the face with hormones,”

“They’re young and in love,” Cere shrugs, “Considering everything going on, I think it’s kinda nice. Gives you hope for the future. I have to admit, I hope Cal can keep his focus. Emotions like that can be distracting,”

“Gives me a migraine,” Greez grunts, “I suppose you’re right. It’s good to see the kids happy but jeez, they have a room!”

Cere’s eyebrow twitches upwards, a thought abruptly invading as she looks back at the console. They do have a room to themselves, essentially taking over the back of the ship as their own. Cal even went to the trouble of extending the bunk to fit both of them. Two lovestruck eighteen-year-olds in a room of their own with a lockable door and a bed. Cere follows her line of thinking to its logical conclusion, resulting in a sharp inhale between her teeth.

“Greez, are we nearing any modern settlements?” she asks, “We need to stock up on a few things,”

“Should be coming up on Dantooine, if that’s any good to you,”

Cere glances through to the middle of the ship just in time to see Cal kissing at Tara’s neck. The dark-haired girl is giggling prettily, the pair completely oblivious to the world around them. Cere snorts.

“Oh yes, Dantooine will be perfect,”

00000

Dantooine is a picturesque planet.

The climate is pleasant, the landscape made of rolling green hills and lakes dotted with various settlements, the largest of all being the capital city, Khoonda. They land the mantis a short walk away, Tara bouncing on the balls of her feet with excitement.

“I haven’t been to Dantooine in so long!” she gushes, “Yvanna brought me when I was something like ten years old. There used to be this market stall, they sold the most amazing cakes that changed colour depending on who was holding it…”

She’s practically skipping down the ramp with Cal, the others training behind them. 

“Remember, there’s still an Imperial presence on this planet,” Cere warns, “We need to keep our heads down. Tara, would you mind coming with me? I need your help with something,”

“Sure,” Tara nods nonchalantly.

“What about us?” Greez asks, “Or are the boys just spare parts on this little shopping trip?”

“I’m sure you’re both capable of amusing yourselves for a few hours,” Cere tuts, “We’ll meet you here when we get back,”

Already Cal is giving Tara the softest expression while Greez is trying to pull on his poncho.

“I’ll miss you,” Cal winks, earning a smile from Tara and a snort from Greez.

“She’s only going shopping, not to war!” He grunts, “C’mon kid, I think there’s a cantina with our name on it!”

He barely has time to kiss her goodbye before Greez is pulling him in the opposite direction, Tara and Cere waving at them before heading off on their own path.

“So, what do you need help with?” Tara asks, enjoying the feeling of real sunlight warming her skin, “or rather, talk to me about? I’m assuming that’s why you wanted me to come with you alone,”

“Smart girl,” Cere smiles, clearing her throat uncomfortably, “Things with you and Cal...how are they?”

“Better than whatever’s going on between you and Cal, that’s for sure,” She sniggers but quickly rights herself, “I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair,”

“It’s alright. Cal and I will work out our issues soon enough,” Cere replies casually, “That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. You two seem to be...very close,”

“Uh...huh,” Tara answers cautiously, “We are. Why?”

“You and Cal...have you?” She trails off uncomfortably, making odd gestures with her hands. Tara’s brow knits together, her mouth twisted with confusion.

“Have we...what?” 

“You know, have you both…” The hand gestures continue, Tara growing more impatient for Cere to just spit out whatever it is she has to say.

“Gods, just say it!” Tara groans, “What do you want to know?!”

“Have you two been together?” Cere finally asks, emphasising particular words. 

Tara stops walking, her eyes widening when the credit finally drops and she realises that Cere is asking an extremely personal question. Immediately her cheeks begin to turn pink, her arms crossing defensively over her chest.

“Well...I mean...I...we…” she stutters, “Why? Why do you need to know that?!”

“Listen, I don’t want to be having this talk either and I’m not here to tell you what to do with your body…”

“Oh, Gods. This isn’t happening…” Tara grimaces, rubbing her eyes with the heel of her hands.

“...but if you and Cal are in a physical relationship then there are issues that need to be considered,” Cere finishes reasonably, the pair continuing to walk towards town, “Now, I don’t know what your education was like on human female health,”

“I know how babies are made if that’s what you’re asking,” Tara says shortly, her face still flushed from embarrassment, “And...no, Cal and I...haven’t…”

“Yet,” Cere adds, “And I’ve seen the way you two are with each other. It’s only a matter of time,”

“Great, you and Greez got a bet going on that too?” Tara says sarcastically, jamming her hands in her trouser pockets.

“Tara, you know how important our mission is and what we have to do,” Cere says gently, “With everything that’s going on right now, would you really risk bringing a baby into all of this?”

“Of course not,” Tara growls, “Truth is, and Maker I hope this ends the conversation, I haven’t thought that far ahead. Happy?”

Cere nods, an amused smile creeping onto her face at Tara’s flustered demeanour. With everything the Padawan has gone through, sometimes it’s easy to forget that Tara is still only in her late teens and she didn’t have another woman to talk about these things with growing up. Being mortified at this kind of discussion is practically a rite of passage.

“That’s why I’m bringing you to this clinic I know of. Rebel friendly, so don’t worry about that,” Cere adds quickly, “You can get a check-up and something to help with that particular issue,”

Tara sucks in a breath, a reluctant smile beginning to form. It feels nice, she thinks, having someone maternal looking for her. In the absence of her mother and her master, she really doesn’t have options when it comes to advice. Cere’s kindness goes a long way in Tara’s eyes.

“Thank you,” Tara sighs sincerely, “I would still really love to scrub this conversation from my brain as soon as possible, but...thank you, anyway,”

“You’re welcome,” Cere says. She doesn’t want to push their moment. Their relationship has grown over time but the headway they’ve made today is unprecedented. Cere knows when to stop pushing these days. She nods towards a cluster of buildings, “Come on, it’s not far from here,”

Tara diligently follows the older Jedi. Her gut is still twisted with the agony of talking about something so personal. She hasn’t been to a health clinic since long before the purge and Cere is right, a baby is the last thing they need right now.

The building they enter is down a back street, their hoods pulled up until they make it inside. It’s clean, white and suddenly Tara feels a sense of security and calm wash over her. 

Approaching the medical droid, Tara gives a false name and waits for her appointed time.

00000

“Are you sure? I really don’t want to put you in an awkward position,” 

Tara leaves the clinic with a clean bill of health and a small bruise on the inside of her bicep where a tiny contraceptive implant sits. They tell her it’s good for five years. It’s a thought that makes her laugh, the idea that they have the luxury of thinking that far ahead when they could all be killed or captured at any moment.

“I am quite sure,” Cere insists, “There’s a cantina that I know of around here that I haven’t visited for a long time and I’ve never met a game of cards Greez doesn’t like. You two deserve a little bit of privacy,”

“But you’ll...know” Tara whines, making a disgusted face that forces a laugh from Cere.

“I won’t know a thing. We’ll be off the ship. What you choose to do with that time is up to you!” Cere shrugs but her knowing smile still makes Tara feel weird. 

Cere isn’t blind. She’ll know exactly what’s going on but at the same time, Tara doesn’t know when the opportunity is going to present itself again.

“Well, thank you,” She mumbles, avoiding eye contact, “Space is appreciated,”

The lights are already on inside the ship when they climb the ramp, Cal and Greez waiting for them inside. 

“Captain, I believe I owe you a drink,” Cere announces, gesturing back outside, “And a few hands of cards?”

“Yes! Now you’re talking,” Greez grins, jumping up off his chair to follow Cere down the ramp without taking a second to question what’s going on. Tara is certain he’ll be filled in later, “Behave yourself, kids,”

“Don’t we always?” Tara fires back innocently, waving them off and watching until they’re safely out of sight.

She can’t put her finger on why, although she can take an educated guess, but she’s nervous knowing they’re finally alone. The thought makes her want to laugh. Privacy has been all they’ve thought about and now they have it. 

His body is warm behind her, approaching quietly, his hand sliding around her waist to grip the front of her hip bone. She bites her lip, a hand moving her hair from her neck to pepper the skin there with light kisses.

“Ship is all ours,” he comments, “Alone at last,”

A witty line would be perfect right about now. Or the ability to say anything, but all Tara can manage is a strange, strained laugh. It catches in her throat. Cal turns her to face him.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” he promises gently, “We can just-“

“No, no, I want to,” Tara insists, “I actually got ...implanted today. Y’know, just in case,” her cheeks are growing hot under his gaze, watching the understanding dawn on his face.

“Implant. Right,” he breathes. His eyes rake over her body, pupils dilating and a type of longing she’s never seen appearing, “That’s...Uh, that’s good,”

“I want to be with you, I do,” she presses, “I’ve just...I’ve never-“

She’s babbling with nerves now and Cal silences her the best way he knows, leaning down to kiss her ardently. She whimpers against him, her fingers curling around the collar of his shirt, gripping tightly.

“I haven’t either,” he confesses, his voice rough. 

“But...you want to?”

“Oh, I want to!”

“Great, me too!”

The air between them is thick and charged, like an oncoming storm as they stare at one another, his eyes flicking to her lips. Excitement is sending tingles down her spine.   
A kind of liquid heat grows and threatens to melt the bones of her if things don’t escalate soon.

Screw it…

She’s nervous but so is he and someone has to take the lead. He isn’t complaining when she kisses him, feeling herself immediately being pushed against the terrarium. Her hands find his hair, encouraging his fervid actions, his teeth catching her lower lip making her gasp into the kiss.

The pressure of his body on hers is bliss, trapping her between him and the glass, but she needs more and it’s not going to happen there. Pushing him back with great reluctance, she grabs his hand, hoping he doesn’t notice her trembling.

“Bunk,” 

Cal nods, nervous and a little dumbstruck by the reality of what’s happening. He’s seen Tara undressed before, daydreamed about it frequently, but he’s still ill-prepared for the sight of her kicking off her boots to strip down. Dressed in only her breast band and underwear, Tara shoots him a shy smile from their bunk.

“Are you just going to stand there staring, or do you feel like joining me?” she asks, the bold question covering her apprehension and prompting Cal to follow her lead, frantically stripping off his clothes.

Tara exhales a puff of air, taking him all in. An occasional scar marks his pale skin, his shoulders dusted with freckles, abs and biceps that she just has the urge to run her hands over. After what feels like a lifetime of staring, he finally joins her on the bunk. A hand cups her cheek but the sweetness of his kiss is soon taken over by a barrage of carnal need.

Hands roam one another, pulling at the last of their clothes, Tara moaning as Cal’s lips migrate to her neck, nipping and teasing the sensitive skin there. Neither are completely sure, letting instincts guide them, exploring each other to see what feels good. Her hand trails down his abdomen, her bold move of stroking his solid cock met with a gasp she can’t determine.

“Sorry!” she lets him go as if she’s been burned, but he’s kissing her again, encouraging her hand back where it was.

“Don’t be, that feels amazing,” he breathes, his own confidence growing. 

She’s burning up from the inside out, his cautious touch causing a pleasurable shudder as he reaches between her thighs to find her already wet. He can’t help but feel pleased with himself, watching her moan, her back arching when he experimentally moves the pads of his fingers against her clit.

He positions himself between her thighs, his face torn between lust and uncertainty. His body hovers above hers, Tara reaching out to stroke his scarred cheek.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, “Is it...me?”

“Gods, no!” He insists, resting his forehead on hers. He’s so close, she can feel his solid shaft grinding through her slit, covering himself in her slick as his hips follow the more primal part of his brain, “I just...I don’t want to hurt you,”

“You’re not going to hurt me,” she breathes with difficulty. The friction he’s creating is enough to leave her panting but she needs more of him, all of him, “Please…”

She barely knows what she’s asking for, only that there’s a burning demand for release that she’s never experienced before. He pushes forward with aching slowness, his eyes locked with hers until she squeezes them shut, breathing in small pants.

“Okay?” He asks, his own breathing laboured as he feels her clench around him.

She nods shakily. “Yeah, I just...give me a second,” 

Her fingers grip his bare shoulders, digging into the skin as discomfort begins to make way to a pleasure that she’s never experienced before. She can feel the tension in his body, muscles trembling with the strain of holding himself back.

“Can I…”

“Move...you can move,” 

A pitched moan escapes her unbidden as he slowly pushes in to the hilt, pulling his hips back and forward again experimentally to find a rhythm. It’s uncomfortable and awkward in the cramped bunk, Cal’s head tipping to her shoulder to avoid smacking his head as he moves with deep thrusts.

Soft noises escape her, both their bodies starting to shine with a layer of sweat. He’s grunting near her ear, bracing himself on his forearms above her. 

“So good,” she groans, instinctually hitching her leg above his hip to give him a better range of motion, “You’re doing so good,”

He picks up his pace, bolstered by her praise, the sound of his hips snapping sharply against hers mingling with their feverish moans. She’s so full and complete, the dopamine making her dizzy and every nerve sparking as she climbs higher and higher.

His hips are beginning to stutters, breath quickening and she knows he isn’t going to last and she needs just a little more. She’s touched herself before and she knows what she needs to do. It’s awkward snaking her hand between them, forcing his movements to slow. He almost whines until he realises what she’s doing, rolling his hips again while she rubs inelegant circles across her clit.

It's a small mercy that the ship is empty. The noises they make echo against the metal walls, Tara crying out loudly as the pressure finally gives, her whole body tensing and quivering as she comes. Her walls clench around him, encouraging his own release.

He comes hard, groaning low in his throat as he fills her. Both lie silent, the sound of their laboured breathing filling the room. She has no words, nothing to convey what it all means to her. He’s blinking down at her in awe, his eyes glazed with a post-sex haze. Instead, she brushes the hair from his face, kissing him passionately and hoping that he understands.

“Are you okay?” He asks warily.

“Never better!” She grins.

“That was…I can’t even…” he babbles, rolling off her body. Tara immediately finds space on his bare chest, lying on top of him and resting her chin on her hands.

“I know,” she smiles lazily, “Remind me to thank Cere again for giving us the ship!”

“I can’t wait to hear the jokes Greez will come up with at our expense,” Cal groans lightly. 

Lying in the afterglow, a messy sheet covering them, Cal takes the chance to just look at her. They rarely have such a relaxed opportunity to just be together, without distractions or imminent danger. 

Her hair sits messy, the ponytail fell out during their tryst. Her blue eyes shine at him, cheeks flushed with a happy, contented smile. He hopes he can make her smile that was forever.

“What are you thinking? You’re wearing your thinking face,” Tara smiles from her place on his chest. 

He wonders how things might have been different if the purge hadn’t separated them and if the Jedi were still standing. They’d have been knighted, living by the code and their relationship as it is now wouldn’t be possible in the open. It’s hard to reconcile the happiness he feels knowing that such a tragic chain of events lead up to where they are now.

It’s too much for his brain to articulate when she’s lying naked on top of him. Instead, he brushes some hair from her face, Tara leaning into his touch. He grins at her.

“I’m thinking...give me twenty minutes and I’ll be good to go again,”


	8. Fortress Inqusitorious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cal and Cere race against time to find the Holocron and rescue Tara from the Empire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline: An altered version of the ending to JFO with Tara included.

“You are ready,”

At least that’s what Cere tells him. The conviction in her voice is comforting but it does nothing to dissipate the anxiety that sits in his gut like a ball of ice. 

The moment he woke up on Bogano to find Trilla gone with both the Holocron and Tara, Cal had sprinted back to the Mantis, barely able to speak for trying to catch his breath. The words ‘Trilla’, ‘Tara’, ‘Holocron’ and ‘gone’ were enough for the rest of the crew to understand his panic. 

They make directly for Nur without delay.

“When we get in there, I’ll track down Trilla and the Holocron,” Cere says, preparing to step into her pod.

“Are you sure you’re going to be able to handle this?” Cal asks. His concern for Cere is genuine, but with Tara in danger, he doesn’t want to take the chance that the other Jedi will turn into a liability.

Cere nods resolutely. “I’ll be fine. You need to focus on finding Tara and getting her out of there. I’ll keep comms open, but if I tell you to go without me, do it,”

Cal nods his agreement knowing full well he plans on leaving nobody behind, but it’s an argument they don’t have time for. Every minute wasted is longer for Tara to be held captive. He steps into the pod, the door sliding closed for their drop into the water.

He’s never been anywhere so...dark. It radiates around him as they swim towards the airlock, cold tendrils of the force trying to penetrate his subconscious, to lure him places he doesn’t want to go. He’s strong, keeping up his mental walls and fighting back the pull but he won’t be able to hold on forever. Another reason to finish their task as quickly as possible.

The airlock is guarded but he’s undeterred, fighting through the troopers with ease, leaving one alive. The fortress inquisitorious is huge, he’ll never find Tara without some help. 

“A Jedi is being held captive here,” Cal barks, waving his hand, diving easily into the troopers mind, “Tara Tyree. Where is she being kept?”

“The interrogation wing,” they answer in a trance only to be knocked out for their troubles. 

It’s all the information Cal needs, racing through the sunken corridors, his lightsaber drawn and ready. The place is a maze, the cold is still reaching for him but he keeps her face in his thoughts to guide him towards the light.

“Cal, do you read me?” Cere calls through his commlink, “I’m at the Holocron’s location. Do you have Tara?”

“She’s being kept in the interrogation wing,” He answers, “I’m almost there,”

“Remember, getting Tara out is the number one priority. Leave the Holocron to me,”

“We’ll all getting out of here,” Cal replies fiercely, rounding a corner into the interrogation wing.

_Kriff_

It’s huge. The hexagon-shaped durasteel hall houses multiple floors, all filled with cells. Some are empty, others occupied and he can feel every prisoner's fear. 

“I’m sorry,” he mutters.

Guilt washes over him but he can’t save them all, not now. Silently he vows that when they have the strength, the rebellion will storm this place to sink it for good.

He needs to focus, to sift through the noise in his head. It only takes him a moment, he knows her force signature better than anyone else. It’s weak, but it’s there. Blasters are firing at him from all angles, his lightsaber deflecting the bolts as he runs and climbs to the next level of cells. He’s emptied the area of enemies but they know where he is. He won’t be alone for long.

“Tara?!” 

She’s still strapped to the torture chair, mercifully powered down while she’s alone. Even behind the red glow of the barrier, he can see the bruising on her skin. The cuts and burns. Blood is beginning to dry on her chin, spilling from her mouth hours earlier.

“BD, slice the door!” Cal commands, the little droid jumping into action and the barrier falling, “Stim!”

The healing stim ejected from BD-1 reaches his hand and is immediately injected into Tara’s chest.

“C’mon, wake up...please…” He begs, cupping her beaten face with his hands, willing her to look at him. 

Her eyes are slow to move, twitching below the lid until finally, they open, focusing on Cal’s face. The smile she offers is small, pained, but she’s alive.

“You’re late,” she rasps, struggling for air. Every movement is stiff and uncomfortable.

“I’m going to get you out of here,” He promised, waving his hand to release the restraints and help her from the chair.

He’s holding her tightly against him, taking most of her weight as they leave the cell. 

“Cal, get the Holocron and go,” Tara groans helplessly, “I’m going to slow you down,”

“I’m not leaving you!” Cal insists, “We’re getting out of here together. I promise. Give me another stim, BD?”

The first stim held back the worst of her injuries. The second takes away some of the pain, for now. It’s enough that she can at least walk on her own.

“No, Cal, you don’t understand!” Tara cries as he grabs her hand, “He’s here. We’re not going to make it without a fight!”

“Just keep going, we’re almost at the meetup point,” He grits his teeth, pulling her behind him with determination.

Just one more door. One more and they can steal an escape pod, find Cere and get the hell out. They’re going to do it. They’re going to make it, he’s certain. His elation is distracting. He barely registers Tara shouting at him to get back from the door.

An ominous red glow bleeds through the gaps, blinding when the door slides open, projecting smoke towards them as an imposing figure stands in the doorway.

The stories of Darth Vader are known galaxy-wide. He’s a myth, a legend and very few of the stories are told first hand. Not many live to tell their tales of meeting the fallen Jedi. 

“Tara, run!” Cal shouts, igniting his lightsaber once more. 

This isn’t a fight he can win, he knows that. If it means Tara survives and Cere makes it out with the Holocron, then so be it. He lifts his blade, ready for whatever is to come.

“Cal, I’m with you!” Cere is running towards them, the tunnel behind her losing its integrity. Her brave declaration isn’t unwelcome, the woman standing alongside him with her own weapon raised, “We do this together!”

“Give me the Holocron!” Vader demands, leaving no room for negotiation as he holds out his gloved hand.

“We’ll never give it to the Empire!” Cal shouts, still levelling his blade at Vader, “I won’t let someone like you control those children!”

“You will not live long enough to find out their fate,” Vader sneers arrogantly, stepping forward. He towers over all of them, the darkness radiating from him like a beacon. His hate, his anger, all palpable and overwhelming.

But those emotions aren’t just from him.

“You will not touch them!” 

Tara steps forward, her eyes hard as she glares at Sith, her fists clenched so tightly her knuckles are white. Her body trembles, barely holding together. Yvana, her family, her friends, the life she was set to lead. The Empire took everything from her. 

He took everything from her. 

“So much anger…”

“You’re going to pay for what you’ve done,” Tara spits, “Murderer!”

The cold is strange to her. She’s felt it’s unnatural pull before but resisted. Now, all she can see is red and unnatural or not, it’s helping fight through the pain, granting her strength and power she’s never felt before. 

Tara raises her hands, willing the force around her to apply impossible pressure on the dark lord.

“Tara, stop!” Cal shouts but she isn’t listening. The world around her is gone, replaced by darkness. All she can see is the man who betrayed her people, fighting through his defences to pick out the spark of life she’s so adept at manipulating.

Vader staggers backwards but remains undeterred.

“Trilla was correct,” He awes, “You would make an excellent inquisitor. Give in...join us!”

Maybe he’s right...maybe it’s easier this way…

The voice in her head is quiet. Insidious as it tells her to embrace her anger. The dark side is powerful, she can feel that. It’s flowing through every cell in her body. Her pain is gone, she’s unstoppable and maybe this was her path all along. 

Maybe darkness is how she can save everyone.

“Let them go,” Tara growls, flexing her fingers to increase the pressure, giving no further answer to his offer, “And maybe I won’t kill you. I can see it you know...your lifeforce. It would be so easy to snuff it out!”

“Stop! This isn’t you,” Cal shouts, reaching for her arm only to be shrugged away violently.

She’s falling. He can see it. He can feel it, and he’s helpless. If he can’t stop her, she might save them but at the cost of losing herself. Stopping her might mean certain death anyway at the hands of Vader. Running is their only option.

“Give in to the pain, your anger and fear. Let it shape you,” Vader goads, inciting her to action, his mask hiding the satisfied expression, “Join us,”

Tara’s lip trembles, her hands twisting as she hones in on her target.

“I’m sorry…” She breathes, her eyes growing dark. 

“NO!” 

It’s now or never. The transparisteel begins to crack around them, water leaking through the imperfect surface. An idea finally comes to his panicked brain. It’s risky but it’s the only chance they have.

“Cere, get ready to swim!” he calls, reaching out with the force to destroy the tube.

“What?!” 

He gives Cere no further information, using the force to break the tube walls. The water comes crashing in on them, Tara’s connection to Vader instantly severed when he changes focus, choosing to hold the water back rather than join them in the flood. Cal grabs the unconscious girl, Cere swimming with them as they share the extra weight of Tara’s body.

His legs are burning almost as much as his lungs, but she needs the breather more than he does. The water’s surface feels miles away and they’re beginning to slow.

Just as his eyes close, another figure appears in the water.

00000

Returning to the Mantis, it takes Cal some time to come to his senses. His body aches all over and he’s pretty sure a blinding optical migraine is on its way, but none of that matters to him when Tara hasn’t opened her eyes yet.

By the time he’s aware of his surroundings, Tara has already been taken out of his arms. Merrin has changed her into fresh, dry clothes while Cere pulls out what they have from a medkit to patch up superficial wounds.

“Is she going to be alright?” he asks quietly, unsure if he really wants to know the answer.

Cere shrugs helplessly. “She needs a Medcenter but I can promise you our faces will be all over the holonet by now,” she turns to Greez, “Captain, set a course for Kashyyyk. It’s a long journey, but we have friends there still,”

The room goes quiet as Cere and Greez leave to attend the holotable, Cal taking his place by Tara’s bedside while Merrin leans in the doorway. 

“That was you in the water wasn’t it?” Cal asks. Merrin nods, “Thank you. We’d be dead without you,”

Merrin offers him a small smile. “Tara will be fine. She’s very strong,”

“She shouldn’t have to be,” Cal replies bitterly, “This is my fault,”

“I don’t see how,” Merrin says, crossing her arms and standing up from the doorway. 

“I asked her to come with us, I got her involved with our mission in the first place,” he scoffs, “I should have just...let her stay on Kashyyyk, come back when we’d done what was needed,”

“If it were the opposite way, would you have stayed behind?” Merrin asks, “After finding each other, would you have wanted to be separated again?”

“No, never!” he says firmly.

Merrin smiles at the point he’s just made for her. “Exactly. She makes her own decisions and she won’t blame you for any of this. I’m sure of it,”

Cal picks up Tara’s limp hand, pressing a kiss to her knuckles before resting it against his cheek. Guilt is churning his stomach, constricting his chest as he releases a shuddering breath.

“Do you need anything?” Merrin asks, leaving him alone with Tara when he shakes his head.

There’s a lump in his throat, his eyes stinging as the pressure that’s been mounting finally breaks. Tears are hot on his cheeks, rolling over his lashes unchecked, the vision of her lying pale in their bunk blurring in front of him.

“I’m so sorry,” he chokes, “Please...you have to wake up. Don’t leave me here,”

He squeezes her hand, desperately seeking any kind of movement in her face or fingers, but Tara remains still as ever. Her face, although bruised, is peaceful. 

Healing was never something he’d been adept at. Anything to do with life force was always Tara’s strength, not his, but that doesn’t mean he won’t try. Kissing her hand once more, he gently lays it back by her side, bringing his own palms to hover over her body.

She’s there. The force flows between them, weak and conflicted. Eyes closed, all his concentration goes to her, to their connection. He might not be able to heal but just letting her know he’s there may be enough.

He prays it’s enough.

00000

Hours pass.

The Mantis lands on Kashyyyk but while Cere disembarks to explain their situation to their allies, Cal remains where he is. He’s barely slept, catching the occasional nap when he can’t force his eyes open any longer. 

The rest of the crew have taken turns keeping him company. Greez brings him food. Cere plays the hallikset and talks of the future, one without the Empire. Merrin is the best at distraction, asking him about their training. The nostalgia makes him smile, despite the hurt, remembering how he and Tara would practice together in the temple gardens.

The distraction is welcome, but it doesn’t stop the dull ache that’s set up permanent residence between his temples.

By hour twenty four, his limit is reached.

“Wake up,” he snaps, jaw clenched, “You don’t get to do this to me! You don’t get to appear in my life again only to...to...leave me. I need you, okay?! I need you to come back...to smile at me. Just...something. Anything!”

He doesn’t realise that he’s shouting now, abruptly standing to pace the small space they’ve been given. His voice echoes through the metal hull of the Mantis, frustration and fear amplified for anyone nearby to hear.

“You don’t need to yell,”

The voice is so quiet Cal is certain it’s all in his head but he turns, not daring to hope. 

“Tara?”

She’s looking up at him with tired eyes, squinting in the light of the room, shifting her body with almost imperceptible movements. Cal is back by the bedside immediately.

“You’re awake,” he awes, “I was so worried. I thought I’d lose you,”

“Are we…back on the ship?” she asks, her eyes still glassy as she slowly sits up.

“We’re back on the ship. Landed on Kashyyyk,” he confirms, perching on the side of the bunk precariously, “Do you remember anything?”

“I…” Tara pauses, looking away and focusing on nothing. It’s a blur of images, of emotions. Nothing is fitting together quite right, but she’s trying. “Pain. I just remember being in pain,”

The chair. She remembers the chair. The cold of the durasteel, the impending dread as the switch was turned. Her throat still hurts from screaming. All the while, she was never alone when they questioned her.

“And he was there,” she breathes, “Every time. He’d just stand there, watching...like a kriffing sadist!” she spits, scowling at her own hands where she fidgets with the blanket awkwardly.

“You’re safe now. I’m not going to let them touch you again, I promise!” Cal insisted, grabbing her hand to still her anxious movements but Tara is still inside her own head, piecing together the puzzle bit by bit.

“I remember you and trying to leave but...Vader…” The thoughtful scowl on her face twists into horror, her eyes wide and mouth falling open as she breathes quickly, “Oh Gods...I...what did I do?!”

“You didn’t do anything,”

“I did!” she exclaims, “I...I went to the dark. I could have killed us all!”

Cal grabs both her hands in his, pulling them to his chest as he implores her to look him in the eye. She’s spiralling, her breathing erratic and eyes darting around the room.

“You didn’t. We’re here, we’re alive!” Cal persists, “And you’re safe!”

Tara shakes her head, gulping for air. Fresh tears pool in her eyes, rolling down her cheeks.

“No, you don’t understand,” she sobs, “I...I wanted to! I felt powerful like nothing could touch me. I didn’t want to be afraid anymore, I didn’t want anyone else to go through that. I thought for just a moment that I could control it and I was wrong...I almost killed us,”

Cal opens his mouth to speak but what else can he say? She isn’t listening. He’s not even sure she fully comprehends that he’s there with her. His own eyes sting with tears. He wants to shake her, to shout at her to come to her senses because she’s his forcemate and he’s just as terrified as she is.

“You need to get me off this ship,” Tara says, “I’m dangerous. I could hurt you!”

“Tara, No!” Cal snaps, dropping her hands to cup her face, forcing her to look directly at him, his nose inches from hers, “You are not going anywhere. You won’t hurt me,”

“I...Cal I don’t know who I am,” For the first time since she opened her eyes, Tara’s body relaxes, her shoulders slumping in defeat, “They kept telling me that I was going to give in eventually...I thought I knew myself and now I just don’t know who I am anymore,”

He kisses her. It’s a desperate action, his fingers gripping the side of her jaw. She doesn’t fight it, her hands gripping his forearms in an effort to find stability, to find purchase in something solid and real. When he pulls away, she’s starstruck.

“You are Tara Tyree,” he says passionately, “You’re a Jedi. You’re the bravest, kindest, smartest person I know. You love plants, you talk about them with Greez all the time. You’re better trained than I could ever hope to be and I learn something new from you every day,”

She blinks at him, slowly beginning to calm but her expression is lost.

“I love you,” Cal finishes resolutely, “And I’ll love you until the day I die and beyond. Just as you are,”

“I love you too,” she eventually replies, the panic extinguished leaving confusion and exhaustion, “What now?” she asks.

Cal smiles. He’s still holding her face but his touch is gentle, brushing away the last of her stray tears with the pads of his thumbs. This won’t be a wound that heals overnight. It’s layers of hurt that he knows only too well, but she’s not alone. He needs her to know that.

“I think, for now, you should get some more rest,” he decides, “You’ve been through a lot. You’re exhausted,”

He kisses her once more, sweet and soft, before standing from the bunk. Her eyes follow him.

“Where are you going?” she asks, her voice so small it breaks his heart.

“I’m going to let you get some sleep,” he says, “But I’ll be right here,”

Sliding back down from her seated position, Tara opens the blanket, nodding to the empty space.

“Stay?”

How can he say no? She’s looking up at him with those wide blue eyes he adores, silently begging for some reassurance. If he’s honest, he needs that just as much as she does.

He nods, stripping off his boots and shirt to climb into the bunk beside her. He knows he needs a sanisteam but Tara doesn’t seem to care. Immediately she finds her way to his chest, her head resting in its usual spot under his chin. 

Her breathing slows. Within minutes, both young Jedi are asleep.

00000

She’s quiet for the most part.

For almost a week after they land, Tara chooses to keep to herself. She’s never been the most trusting at the best of times, but the withdrawal is uncharacteristic even for her. The rest of the crew remain undeterred and Cal is grateful for their loyalty. 

Tara needs people she can depend on.

It’s an unremarkable evening. Greez is dishing up a brightly coloured dish onto plates while Cere, Merrin and Cal sit at the table when Tara suddenly appears from her room to take the empty seat next to Cal.

“Hi,” she says shyly, awkwardly, “What are we eating?”

Greez smiles widely. The others share a hopeful glance. It’s the first time since they landed that Tara has joined them to eat.

“You’re gonna love this, T! We got baked cushnip and fral,” He declares proudly, “It’s the exact recipe from Maz Kanata too! Had to win it from her in a game of sabacc. Funny story actually…”

Tara grins widely as the plate is put in front of her, listening to the Latero tell his story with interest. Under the table, Cal squeezes her knee, rewarded with a nudge from her shoulder.

He smiles. She’s going to be fine.


	9. What happens in Canto Bight...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their escape from the Fortress Inquisitorious, Greez insists that the crew deserves a vacation.
> 
> You know what they say. What happens in Canto Bight, stays in Canto Bight!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline: Takes place after the ending of JFO.

It’s been weeks since their brush with Vader and the Empire.

With the Holocron destroyed they have no mission, no further pressing agenda. Cal supposes they’ll end up helping the rebellion, but a decision hasn’t been made. After their journey, nobody is in much of a rush to do anything. They’ve been sitting on Kashyyyk since escaping Nur, Tarfull and other wookies who had sheltered Tara before insisting they stayed in the safety of their hidden camps until everyone has healed. 

Staying would be easy. The planet is beautiful, even with an Imperial shadow hanging above them, and they have everything they need, but the idea of leaving the rebellion to their own devices doesn’t sit well with Cal and somehow he knows Tara and the rest of the crew will agree. Still, that doesn’t mean they need to rush headfirst back into the fray. Not until they can all be certain that they’re ready.

Cere meditates often in between keeping an eye on the comms. Merrin uses her time to learn more about Kashyyyk with Tara occasionally translating or guiding the Nightsister through the landscapes she spent her teens around. Tara and Cal spend most of their time together, but the usual lighthearted jokes at their expense have slowed. They need the reassurance of the other’s company and nobody can blame them. 

The sun is slowly setting over their camp, the worst of the heat and humidity easing. Tara and Cal sit together on the Mantis sofa, Tara’s nose in a datapad while Cal struggles to stay awake in the tranquillity. 

“That’s it. We’re getting too comfortable here!” Greez barks as he walks up the ramp onto the ship, “We should take a vacation! Maybe a weekend somewhere fun,”

“You don’t think this is a vacation?” Cal asks, his voice rough and eyes still heavy.

“No, I don’t,” Greez grunts, “Vacations have cocktails, excitement…”

“Gambling?” Tara smirks, looking up from the pad and sitting up to place it on the table, “We needed some time to recover, Greez. It doesn’t need excitement,”

“Yes, but now we have and I say we should go somewhere fun!” Greez insists, “I mean, come on, we might not get another chance,”

Tara looks thoughtful, her eyes gazing to the ceiling while she considers his words.

“Hmm. You know, Greez has a point,” she says to Cal, “If we do join up with the rebellion, there’s no going back. Maybe we should?”

“What about Cere?” Cal asks, “Have you spoken to her about this idea?”

“You leave Cere to me!” Greez chuckles, apparently undeterred by their wanted status in the galaxy, “And our destination too. I want it to be a surprise!”

“That...sounds ominous,” Tara drawls but Greez is already waving her off. 

“Nonsense. Has Greezy ever let you down before?”

The Haxion Brood immediately comes to Tara’s mind. She declines to answer, assuming his question is rhetorical. 

00000

The Mantis comes out of hyperspace, the blur of stars slowing as the large planet comes into view. Tara leans on Cal’s shoulders where he sits at the front of the cockpit, squinting at the planet in front of them, realisation dawning in her features.

“Cantonica?!” she cries, “Greez, did you seriously bring us to Canto Bight?”

“What? It’s the most exclusive resort in the galaxy!” Greez says defensively, “Beautiful beach, great hospitality…and the Empire isn’t so hot over here,”

“Yeah, because they won’t risk most of their weapon contracts,” Cere adds, “That doesn’t mean there aren’t people here who would hand us over in a heartbeat. We’ll need to be careful,”

“We’re always careful,” Greez scoffs. He hops down from the captain’s chair merrily, his arms swinging as he struts towards the airlock controls, “Just leave those laser sword thingies on the ship, don’t make any stuff float and we’ll be golden!”

The rest of the crew share uncertain glances, all three of the younger passengers looking to Cere for a final decision. She sighs, reluctantly nodding.

“Greez is right, we could all do with a little distraction and if we keep a low profile there shouldn’t be an incident,” 

“Alright! That’s what I’m talkin’ about!” Greez grins, “First thing I’m doing is heading straight for the track!”

They gather their things, heading down the ramp onto the planet. From the docking area, they can see the walkways taking them directly into the heart of the city, each building opulent structures made from white stone and precious metals that glitter against the daylight and continue to shine long into the night. In the distance, the thundering of fathiers racing can be heard.

“I don’t know these animals,” Merrin comments curiously, watching the racetrack in the distance.

“No? Fathier racing is the best!” Greez cries, “Come on, I’ll show you how to put a bet on!”

“I’ll join you. Someone needs to make sure we still have a ship to return to,” Cere smirks before looking to Cal and Tara, “Are you two coming along?”

“Actually, I think we’ll take a walk. Meet up with you guys in a little bit?” He says before Tara can respond.

Not that she’s complaining. Watching Greez indulge his habits is hardly her idea of a relaxing holiday. Hand in hand, Tara and Cal wave the rest of their friends off and begin walking in the opposite direction.

“Taking a walk, huh?” she smiles as they stroll together.

“Nothing wrong with wanting my girl to myself,” he shrugs casually, an affectionate smile playing on his lips as he squeezes her fingers. “Besides, when is the last time we went on an actual date?”

Tara’s eyes roll upward as she thinks. “There was that time on Bogano?” she suggests, “In fact, that might have been our first date,”

“Wasn’t that Kashyyyk? After we intercepted that distress call?” 

“That was our first kiss,” Tara smiles fondly, “Not our first date,”

Cal snorts a laugh. “It wouldn’t have been if you’d let me kiss you years ago!”

They head under a stone archway into a glittering street. Lights float above them, shining down softly, reflecting in the windows of the beautiful clothing and jewellery stores. Tara looks at him confused.

“When?!” she demands, “When did you ever try and kiss me?” She stops walking, Cal turning back to look at her with an amused lopsided grin.

“You can’t tell me you don’t remember?” He asks incredulously, “We were kids back at the temple. We were training in the gardens and I wanted to kiss you...you punched me in the arm and it bruised for weeks. I had to tell Master Topal it was from sparring!”

Her mouth quivers, sudden laughter bursting from her so loud that strangers passing take a second glance. She wipes her eyes, catching her breath.

“Oh gods, I do remember that!”

“I’m glad you find it funny. I was heartbroken,” Cal adds with an exaggerated sigh, throwing in a wide-eyed expression for good measure. 

“Come on, we were...what? Eight years old or something?” she snorts, “And you clearly lived to see another day!”

“I dunno, those wounds cut deep. I may never recover,” he continues dramatically. 

Tara grabs the collar of his jacket, standing up onto the tips of her toes. “If I kiss you now will that make it better?”

“It’s worth a try,” he mumbles, barely finishing his final word as she presses her lips to his sweetly.

Her hands slip up around his neck, pulling him closer as she smiles into the kiss, his hands snaking around her lower back to bring her body flush against his. Her tongue teases his lower lip. The excitement between them grows, both completely forgetting their surroundings until an offended passer-by clears their throat. 

Tara giggles, biting her lip as they part with a pretty blush covering her cheeks. She’s happy, relaxed, carefree. It’s all Cal ever wants for them. A genuine smile from Tara is worth more to him than any number of credits. 

“Maybe we should find somewhere a little more private,” he suggests cheekily. 

Tara lifts herself with her toes, bopping his forehead with her own. “Down, boy. Let’s explore a little more before you get me into a bedroom!” She grabs his hand and begins walking down the golden street.

Like a hound being pulled on a leash, Cal whines.

“Okay but we’re on vacation. We are ending up in the bedroom, right?”

Tara rolls her eyes, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t sharing his thoughts. A real bed and some alone time is her idea of some real relaxation, hiding away from the perils of the galaxy. 

She squeezes his fingers, guiding him from one store to the next with the wonder of a child. Tara has never been a materialistic person and the Jedi taught her to cast away such thoughts but she still appreciates the beauty in the design of the clothes and trinkets they find. Fine silks and precious jewels are out of her budget, however, some reaching the prices that starships could command.

But if there’s something they can afford, it’s to drink, even barely. Cal hands over his credit chip, being handed a bottle of a liquid so fluorescent blue, Tara needs her eyes to adjust. She pops the cork, taking a long gulp. It tastes like fruit but with the afterburn of engine fuel and salt.

“Wow, that’s...wow,” she coughs, “What even is this Jawa juice?!”

“This is definitely not Jawa juice!” Cal snorts as they walk together, bottles in hand, “This is Savareen Brandy and according to the shop owner, this particular bottle is made from seagrapes harvested during the full moons to give them that glow,”

“Interesting. I didn’t realise Bracca gave you such expensive tastes,” She teases, handing him the bottle. Cal takes a long drink, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“As much as nothing beats pure grain alcohol distilled from old ship engine parts, I thought we maybe deserved something a little more sophisticated,” he chuckles, “Helps us blend in with our surroundings,”

“This stuff will get you blended alright!” Tara sniggers, her chest warm and head already beginning to swim.

Canto Bight as a city is one giant distraction.

With its perfect facade of beautiful scenery and entertainment, it’s easy to forget about the Empire. Poverty is hidden away, working as servants to the elite. Maybe their excursion is a waste of time, only delaying their inevitable return to the fight, but considering he hasn’t thought about anything except the young woman next to him, Cal isn’t about to complain.

Her long black hair is down, falling around her shoulders as she leans her elbows on the balcony they’ve stopped at. The city below twinkles, the lights reflecting on the water by the shore, Tara smiling down at the view as he comes to lean next to her. Whatever they’ve been drinking has them both a little tipsy.

“You know, I didn’t think this was my kinda place...but I can see why people think it’s beautiful,” she says.

“Must be nice having enough credits to make the Empire look the other way,” Cal sighs, “Still, Greez did make a point. We needed to have fun,”

“That time on Takodana wasn’t fun?” Tara smiles playfully, enjoying the way his cheeks turn pink. It’s endearing to her that even with their experience growing, she can still make him blush.

“It had its moments,” he grins, “We’re not on a time crunch this time. Nobody chasing us,”

“There’s always someone chasing us,” Tara snorts, “But being here, with you, I couldn’t ask for more,”

She’s watching the stars again, but he’s watching her. The bruises have faded. It had taken a whole 24 hours for Tara to wake when they’d made it back to the ship, Cal sitting by her side and holding her hand the entire time. Every day she comes back from her withdrawn state just a little more, smiling at him in the way that makes his chest hurt.

Feeling his eyes on her, Tara turns to him.

“What?” she asks lightly, but he doesn’t answer her straight away. She fidgets under his stare, tucking her hair behind her ear bashfully until he’s ready to say something.

“I could have lost you. I know I say it all the time but...I can’t stop thinking about it,” he says quietly. 

Tara smiles sadly, reaching to wrap her arms around his neck, his hands resting on her hips. They’ve had this conversation before and all too often. She used to brush off his concern, insisting that everything is fine and there was never any real danger but now it’s different because there’s no way to hide how close she came to losing herself. 

“I know,” she replies, “But you didn’t. We all made it,”

His thumbs trace small circles against her waist, feeling the warmth of her body against his palms like tangible proof she’s really there with him. Tara kisses him.

“Try not to think about it. It’s past,” Tara advises gently, “Come on, we’ve got the rest of the night. What do you want to do now? Should we try and find everyone?”

She’s smiling up at him, fingers playing with the hair by his neck and a light blush across her cheeks. Her hair smells like wildflowers. When he was alone on Bracca, Cal wondered what future he could possibly have after the order was given. He’d lost his master, his purpose and his best friend. Finding Tara again, it was like seeing the sun after so long in the dark. 

Watching her risk her life is something he’s never going to be used to, he hates that its part of their existence. She’s strong, she’s brave and he knows that, but it doesn’t stop him from worrying. He lost her once, he doesn’t intend to ever be separated again.

And now he knows what he wants to do.

“Marry me?”

Tara’s eyes grow impossibly wide, blue and bright as she blinks up at him, suddenly far soberer.

“What?”

“Let’s get married,” Cal repeats, “Tonight!”

“How much have you had to drink?” Tara asks looking at the bottle, but Cal shakes his head.

“I’m serious!” he insists, “The force brought us back together and I never want to be apart. I’m going to love you until the day I die. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I do know that as long as you’re with me there is nothing we can’t handle,”

Tara is staring at him in a manner that would rival a malfunctioning droid, suddenly popping the cork from the bottle again to take a huge gulp. The idea is crazy, isn’t it? Two fugitives, barely turned 19 and hiding from the Empire suddenly getting married. As a Jedi, getting married was something she’d long accepted wasn’t in her future. 

That was before. Things are different now. It was an impossible chance of finding each other again but it happened. She’s already vowed that they would never be separated and there’s nothing stopping them. Tara pops the cork from the half-finished bottle, taking another long swig. 

“Yes,” she agrees, “Alright, yes, let’s do it!”

She’s swept from her feet, Cal hugging her around the hips to pick her up and spin her around, elated and giddy. The world was already spinning before but they’re drunk on more than just brandy. Her legs wrap around his waist, clinging to his body as he kisses the breath from her.

This time no amount of shocked or disgusted comments can shame them. 

“We’re causing a scene,” Tara grins, still in his arms, “Something tells me these people are used to more refined behaviour,”

“I’ve never really listened to people’s opinions. Not going to start now,” he places her on the ground, her knees still a little wobbly, “I think I saw the place we can go!”

Grabbing her hand, Cal begins to head in the direction of the officiant’s office they’d passed on their walk, connected to the giant casino. Tara pauses.

“Wait, what about everyone else?” she asks, “Won’t they want to be there?”

Cal scrunches his nose awkwardly. He knows the answer is yes but simultaneously he can hear the lecture Cere would want to give them about being too young and how marriage was forbidden for Jedi. He shakes his head.

“Maybe,” he admits, “but...can’t this be something just for us, for now? We can tell everyone later and have a celebration for them. Just, for now, this isn’t about them...it’s about us,”

Biting her lip in thought, Tara slowly begins to smile again, nodding her head. “You’re right. This is for us,” she agrees, “So let’s go!”

They’re everything the high society of Canto Bight sneers at, running through the pristine streets hand in hand. They’re laughing like idiots, stopping to swig back the last of their brandy straight from the bottle.

“We better be careful,” Tara giggles, “Or we’re going to get banished from Canto Bight for life,”

“I dunno, that sounds kinda fun. Like a badge of honour,” Cal laughs, stopping at a building to squint at the sign, “This is it!”

“Here?” Tara gasps. It’s not nearly as gaudy as she expects. The building is the same white stone as the rest of the city, trimmed in gold with marble. The large wooden door is covered with ornate floral carvings, “This is really the place. This is it!”

“Ready?” He asks, offering his hand again with a wiggle of his fingers.

All at once, her chest feels tight, palms beginning to tingle. The brandy can only take so much of the blame. She looks between his hand and his face, sporting a charming smile that makes her want to melt. He seems so certain and now she is too. She grabs his hand.

The building inside is just as fine as outside, all polished surfaces and expensive-looking metals but far more bare than Tara imagined. They’re met with a single reception desk, a bored-looking female Torguta sitting filing her nails. Spotting the pair, she suddenly drops the nail file, plastering a smile on her face.

“Hello and welcome to the ‘Shooting Star’ registry,” She recites dutifully, “How may I help you this evening?”

“We want to get married,” Cal declares. 

The Torguta nods her head, her smile patient but not quite reaching her eyes. “Well, yes, that’s basically what we’re here for. We have multiple packages to suit your needs ranging from just the basic ceremony and legalities to-”

“Just the basic will be fine,” Cal says quickly, handing over his credit chit while Tara giggles behind him.

“Basic it is,” The Torguta replies distastefully, glancing towards Tara, “Lucky girl…”

“We could be down a back alley in the Courascant lower levels and I’d still marry you,” Tara winks, hugging his arm.

“That’s so sweet. Alright, your credits have been processed, please proceed through to the ceremony room,” she instructs them, waving in the direction of another set of doors.

The second room is far more to Tara’s tastes. The place has been littered with blossoms, stained glass windows flooding colour and light into the room. An arch made from natural branches stands tall at the front of the room, a long golden carpet leading to the officiant waiting under it.

“Alright you crazy kids, you’ve got ten minutes so let’s get you married!” he announces happily. The human’s white and gold robes are as ostentatious as they come, all part of the act the quickie registry offices offer, “Face each other, holding hands. Now, you got any personal vows you wanna add before we get straight to the point?”

Tara and Cal look at each other uncertainly. In the excitement of doing something so spontaneous, neither had thought about personal vows but now they’re standing at an altar in the least personal city in the galaxy, it feels wrong not to add something of themselves to the proceedings.

But what to say? She’s never been great with words, preferring gestures and touch rather than sentimental speeches. How can she condense down what she feels about their relationship into a twee paragraph? 

No, they don’t need that. What they feel is too much for words. Instead, Tara takes a deep breath and smiles.

“Where you go, I go,” she says, an echo of the same promise they’ve made since being reunited. 

“Until the force takes me,” Cal replies with the same bashful grin.

The officiant straightens his robes, his face perplexed before he sorts himself. “Okay, well, that was...short,” he mutters, turning to Cal, “Will you, Cal Kestis, take Tara Tyree as your wife? Do you promise to love, support and defend her, forsaking all others, until the day you die?”

“I do,”

“And you, Tara Tyree, will you take Cal Kestis as your husband? Do you promise to love, support and defend him, forsaking all others, until the day you die?”

“I do,”

“Then by the powers invested in me by the council of Canto Bight, I now pronounce you husband and wife,” the officiant closes his book, “You may seal your new lifetime attachment with a kiss!”

She’s giggling as he cups her face, his own lips smiling into their kiss. The whole thing is preposterous. It’s the least romantic wedding Tara has ever heard of but it’s so like them it makes her laugh. Cal was right, it’s something that only they will ever share in.

The officiant is waving them off, shouting something about a complimentary spin at the tables in the casino, but neither is paying attention. Leaving the building hand in hand, they only have eyes for each other.

“So, wife, what now?” Cal teases, pulling her close to his side. 

Tara looks up at him through her lashes. “Well, I recall you mentioning something about a bedroom...and it is our wedding night after all, husband,”

She finds herself over his shoulder, Cal resolutely walking in the direction of the first hotel they can find.

**4 weeks later**

The Mantis crew find themselves at a loose end.

The rebellion knows who they are, of course. News travels fast. Faster still when there’s a rumour their ship contains three force users, the remnants of the Jedi. For that reason alone, Cere wants to keep them moving and nobody is in disagreement. Staying still for too long only increases the likelihood that the Empire will come for them and anyone who is housing them. 

They take small missions, pick up distress calls from settlements recently raided, all while trying to keep Imperial interference at an arm’s length. Safe havens are becoming more and more scarce. 

Tara sits crosslegged on the floor in front of the terrarium, carefully pruning and planting, deep in thought as she stares at the thermostat.

“What are you up to?” Cal asks, wandering through from their room to sit at the table behind her. 

“I’m trying to work out the best temperature to set this at. Two different plant species in here need different environments,” She sighs, “I’ve moved them as far apart as I can but...well, just gotta wait and see if I accidentally kill one of them,”

“Impossible,” Cal smiles, “I bet they’ll grow to be as beautiful as you!”

“You’re so sweet,” Tara gushes, pushing herself to stand. She’s just about to place herself in his lap when Greez pushes his way between them, walking towards the sofa, “Hey!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I get in the way of the wild hormone show?” Greez sniggers, “Honestly, you kids have been ten times worse ever since we left Canto Bight and that’s putting it mildly,”

He takes his place on the sofa, Cere turning from the holotable.

“Our captain has a point,” Cere chuckles, “You two were already pretty lovestruck before. Did something happen?”

“Nope,” Cal replies casually, shaking his head, “I’m just the luckiest guy in the galaxy,”

“See? That. That right there is what I’m talking about,” Greez grumbles. 

“Um, Cal...a word?” Tara asks, laughing awkwardly with a fixed smile, her eyes wider than anyone would assume normal. She stops them in the small corridor. “I can’t do this anymore!”

“Can’t do what?”

“Keep this a secret!” Tara hisses, “I feel so guilty that we didn’t tell them,”

“You definitely didn’t sound guilty at the time,” He points out with a smug grin.

He’s right, she wasn’t. After they’d made it official and he’d carted her off to a nice hotel, the rest of the crew had been the last thing on her mind. It wasn’t until the next day when they all finally caught up with one another that Tara began to feel the guilt knotting her stomach.

“I...I wasn’t. It was perfect,” she sighs, “But the longer we keep this quiet, the harder it’s going to be to tell them,”

“Tell us what?”

“AH!”

The sudden voice from the darkness of the refresher makes both Cal and Tara jump, pressing themselves to the opposite wall as Merrin, her hair still damp, stares at them.

“Gods, I’m going to have to get you a bell to wear or something,” Tara mumbles.

“Tell us what?” Merrin repeats, “Is there news?”

“No!” Cal squeaks, clearing his throat, “Uh, I mean...no, there’s no news. Nothing to tell,”

“But Tara just said ‘the harder it’s going to be to tell them’,” Merrin presses, “You have something to tell us?”

Tara shrugs awkwardly. “It’s not super important…”

Merrin is already pushing past them into the belly of the ship, Tara and Cal following.

“Tara and Cal have news they have been keeping from us,” she announces to Greez and Cere, the shipmates looking at Tara and Cal expectantly.

“Oh Gods, are you pregnant?” Cere groans, “If you are... we’ll handle it any way you both see fit…”

“What?!” Tara exclaims, “No, I’m not pregnant!”

“Wouldn’t surprise me, the way you two go at it…” Greez sniggers into his cup of caf, delighting in the various shades of pink Cal and Tara are turning.

“I’m not pregnant,” Tara grinds out through gritted teeth, “On Canto Bight, Cal and I...got married,”

A hush falls over the ship, the couple anxiously awaiting the reaction of their crewmates who share confused glances. Cere is the first to speak.

“You two got married?” she gasps, “You’re both only 19!”

“Two seconds ago you said we’d deal with things if I was pregnant,” Tara points out, “In comparison, getting married is a step-down,”

“That...is different,” Cere says, “Jedi are forbidden from marrying…”

“Well, the order isn’t exactly around to send us to a tribunal,” Cal says shortly, “Cere, this wasn’t some mistake. We belong together and you said it yourself, we don’t know what’s going to happen in the future,”

Cere looks helpless, torn between her old lessons and knowing that he has a point but Greez is who Tara is concerned about, his crestfallen face looking down at his hands.

“You didn’t tell us,” he says, his hurt and dejection obvious, “I thought we were family,”

“Oh Greeze, we are!” Tara insists, rushing down the steps to kneel in front of the Latero, “We are a family. We just wanted to get married, it wasn’t even a long ceremony,”

“Still...I’d have liked to see you kids tie the knot,” He sighs, “Weddings always make people happy,”

“I also would have liked to see this wedding,” Merrin adds, joining Greez on the sofa, “I have never seen a marriage outside of Dathomir,”

“It wasn’t exactly a good example of a human wedding,” Cal mumbles, “Listen, everyone, we’re sorry that we hurt you. It wasn’t intentional.” He turns to Tara, “I just wanted to be your husband,”

Tara smiles softly, standing to hug him around the waist. “Worked out alright, I wanted to be your wife,”

“Ah Gods, there they go again,” Greez snorts, “Look, I’m happy for you guys. Really, I am. Just would have been nice to be included,”

“When the Empire falls, we’ll have a real wedding,” Tara promises, “Everyone can attend and we’ll choose a venue that doesn’t offer you free spins at the casino as a wedding present,”

“Hey, now, don’t be so hasty. That sounds like a classy place!”

The moment passed, the rest of the crew roll their eyes.


	10. Strangers at the Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 years after the fall of the Empire, Cal and Tara are settled into a peaceful life with their infant twins when they receive a visit from a legend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline: 6ABY. 2 years after the fall of the Empire making Tara and Cal roughly 35 years old.

6 ABY - 2 years after the fall of the Empire.

Their home looks over the water.

When Cal and Tara agreed to settle in Hanna City it was something that Tara insisted on. It seemed like fate the New Republic chose the green planet as the site of the New Senate when it was so perfect for the young family, but with her aversion to living in cities, a home closer to nature is the perfect compromise.

Rolling hills meet the calm sea, the weather remains mild most of the year. The villa they’ve chosen meets the shore, the largest balcony overlooking the waves and sunset every evening with plenty of flora on the other side to keep Tara happy. Not that she isn’t growing her own samples in her gardens.

Most of all, it’s peaceful. It’s safe. Something neither could have imagined only a few years prior.

The firepit on their balcony crackles, the smell of the embers joining the salt that drifts towards him in the air. Cal pours two glasses of Savareen brandy, smiling as he does. It never fails to make him think of their wedding. 

In another room, Tara is putting their children to sleep. Between the birth of their twins, Thalia and Logan, and acting as consultants to the New Republic, they have very little time to themselves anymore except for the evenings and even then, there’s always a chance something will crop up.

But not tonight, he’s determined. This evening is their time to enjoy each other’s company, a drink and the beautiful sunset view. From inside, he can hear Tara instruct BD-1 to keep watch, her soft footsteps padding through the sitting room to join him in the warm, fragrant air. He smiles and hands her the glass.

“And they are asleep,” Tara declares, sounding relieved, “The night is ours!”

She reaches out to stroke his bearded face, kissing him sweetly before they take their seats.

“You know once they’re under they won’t wake until morning,” Cal says, “We have good kids that way,”

“Just getting them down is the problem,” she sighs, “Do you think they know we’re busy? Do we spend enough time with them?”

“Tara, they’re six months old. They’re absolutely fine,” Cal replies kindly, “Now, I want you to have a drink and relax. You deserve it!”

Tara agrees. Between only giving birth six months ago and still keeping up her agreed duties to Leia and the New Republic, she feels stretched thin. The brandy tastes exactly as she remembers the first time, whisking her memories back to Canto Bight when a just turned 19-year-old, bright-eyed and beardless Cal Kestis had asked her to marry him.

They’re older now, suffered more losses than they care to count but through it all, they’ve stayed true to their promise to never leave the other’s side. She’s just about to reach out to take his hand when the chime of their front door rudely interrupts.

Cal scowls. “One night...I just wanted one night…”

“Who could that be at this time?” Tara muses. 

Cal grumbles under his breath, taking a sip of his brandy before standing. “You wait here and relax. I’ll go and see who it is and if I can send them packing!” he says.

Tara snorts, laughing into her own glass. She watches her husband leave the balcony, turning back to watch the waves wash up on the shore. After a few minutes, Cal doesn’t return. Sighing, Tara stands, intent on giving whoever has interrupted their evening a piece of her mind.

“Cal? Who is…”

There’s no hiding her feelings as she abruptly comes to a halt, her jaw clenching as she inhales sharply at the figure dressed in black. She’s never met Luke Skywalker in person, only his sister Leia, but she knows him. 

Oh, she knows.

“Good evening,” he says politely, bowing his head, “It’s Tara, isn’t it?”

“Luke Skywalker,” she replies politely, “I have to admit I’ve been wondering if you’d eventually pay us a visit. A little warning might have been nice,”

Luke has the good grace to appear sheepish. “I happened to be in the system on business and I wanted to take the opportunity to meet you both properly. I’m sorry for the intrusion,”

“Why don’t we take a seat?” Cal suggests, gesturing towards the sitting room, “Please, make yourself comfortable,”

“Thank you,” Luke smiles, following Cal towards the sofas. 

The sunset spills orange and pink light through the large windows. Tara doesn’t miss the interest on Luke’s face when Cal waves his hand, pulling the shades halfway.

“You both have a beautiful home,” Luke adds, “Have you been here since…”

“Since the end of the war, yes,” Tara answers stiffly, “I don’t mean to be rude but I’ve never been one for small talk. What can we do for you?”

“What makes you think I’m here for something?” Luke asks, “We have the force in common. I may have just wanted to meet you,”

Tara snorts. “If only that was how the galaxy worked. What do you need from us?”

The surprise at her forthright manner is evident on his face, but he quickly composes himself, bringing back his mask of calm. “My sister speaks very highly of you both. She tells me you were great assets during the war. I’m here this evening to talk to you about the order,”

“There is no order,” Tara snaps defensively.

“I wish to rebuild the order,” he says firmly, “I’m creating a new academy. Somewhere force-sensitive students can learn the ways of the force, lightsaber combat but also diplomacy and history. I know you’re afraid Tara, I can sense your fear...but I want to build something better,”

“And you want us to help you?” Cal adds without judgement, “You’re asking a lot of us,”

Tara lifts her chin, looking down her nose at the younger man. “I’m curious, Skywalker, what is it that makes you so qualified?” she asks coolly.

“Tara…” she knows Cal’s tone, that warning he’s used plenty before when she’s being difficult, but she doesn’t take her eyes from Luke. 

“I trained under Master Yoda-”

“We all did,” Tara interrupts, “That isn’t an answer,”

“I have studied the ancient texts and I am dedicating my life to become the Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi believed I could become!” Luke says strongly, “The galaxy needs the Order,”

“The galaxy needed the light to return,” Tara says, standing to pace the floor and use some of the anxious energy building, “Not the Order. Taking children from their families for training, villainizing certain actions and trains of thought...it’s making the same mistakes all over again!”

Luke takes a deep patient breath while Cal leans against the wall quietly with his own thoughts, waiting to see how the rest of the conversation unfolds before he adds his opinion. 

“I know that the purge was devastating-” he begins, never making it to his point before Tara sees red.

She spins around to face him, a deep scowl on her face as Cal winces, knowing exactly what’s coming.

“You know nothing!” she shouts, “You weren’t there! You didn’t watch the men you’d trusted with your life butcher your master, your friends in cold blood. You had only just been born while we were being hunted through the galaxy. You couldn’t possibly know what we’ve been through!”

Her words echo through the villa, a baby crying as a reply. Tara takes a deep breath.

“Excuse me,” she mutters, striding out of the room to attend to her children. 

Silence descends, Luke sitting still as Cal stands from the wall with a deep, steadying sigh.

“Join me on the balcony,” he says, “The view is beautiful,”

Luke follows Cal out into the evening, the last of the sun fading behind the hills.

“Tara doesn’t mean to offend you,” Cal says, leaning on the edge of the balcony wall, “You’re coming to us unannounced and talking about sensitive subjects. The Empire took everything from us and finally, we’re at peace. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid too. I share her trepidation,”

“I understand that,” Luke nods, “Leia did warn me that I might not get the answer I hoped for but you understand why I had to try?”

“I do,” Cal says, “And you understand why we have to say no?”

Luke gazes out to the sea, the sound of the water lapping breaking the silence. Eventually, he nods.

“It’s disappointing,” he sighs, “You would both be assets to the academy. Young force users could use your guidance,”

Cal looks thoughtfully out to the water, watching it lap onto the shoreline before he speaks again.

“I only stopped carrying my lightsaber everywhere with me about six months ago,” Cal laughs humourlessly, “and that was only because of the twins being born. Can’t carry a lightsaber and a baby at the same time. Too dangerous!”

Luke says nothing, watching Cal curiously.

“You know as well as I do what it’s like to lose everything, to feel like the world under your feet has just crumbled away. You feel empty and angry all at the same time. Lost,” he says, “Anyway, the point I’m making...if I’m making one at all, is that having a purpose again is important. Rebuilding the Jedi Order is your purpose, it’s one I used to share but not now, I have too much to lose...my wife, my children? That’s my purpose,”

Behind them, footsteps shuffle out onto the balcony. Tara stands with her hands clasped in front of her, looking calmer and more than a little contrite.

“Luke, I’m sorry I shouted at you,” she says, looking like she’s swallowed something sour.

Cal tries his best to hide a smirk, knowing that Tara is only apologising to be polite and there’s a good chance she isn’t actually as sorry as she makes out. He knows his wife well.

Luke holds up his hand, offering her a genuine smile. “It’s alright. You’re a passionate person, Tara and I didn’t mean to upset you. I’ve taken up too much of your time already,”

They walk him through the halls toward the main door.

“I’m sorry to have interrupted your evening,” Luke says at the door, “But I do hope I can still consider you both friends,”

“Absolutely,” Cal smiles, “and good luck with the academy,”

“May the force be with you,”

Luke raises his hood, his cloak fluttering behind him as he walks from their home. They stare at the path he’s walked, only speaking when he’s a safe distance away.

“He’s making a mistake,” Tara says warily, “I just know it. I can feel it,”

Cal places an arm around his wife’s shoulder, pulling her close and kissing her temple. He nods, in full agreement. The force pulses around them but he doesn’t need it to know that Luke is walking into history repeating itself.

But what can they do? It’s not just them, they have their children to think about. Over twenty years of open war against the dark side, against the Empire, is enough to teach them that there is no such thing as absolutes. 

“I know,” Cal says, “but he has his answer from us. All we can do is trust in the force,”

Gently, Cal encourages his wife back into the villa, intent on salvaging the rest of their evening.


End file.
